Save me
by Mitrioselove
Summary: Rose is lost in a world she cannot seem to get out of. Alcohol, drugs and boys consume her, and she sees no way out. Is there anyone out there that can save Rose. Short story... All human
1. Chapter 1

_**This here is just a short story that came to me last night. I sat down and could not stop typing. I have to say I am rather proud of this story and can only hope you all enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I have not felt this need to write in a really long time and now that it has come back to me I just cannot seem to stop. Please enjoy!**_

I use to hate being alone. I was constantly surrounded by people. Constantly talked to. Constantly paid attention to. I use to think the attention was amazing, it made me in a sense happy. I always had someone around, never alone, never without something to do. I use to relish in the feeling of popularity. Everyone wanting to know what I was doing, where I was going, and what I was wearing. I treated everyone like they were second best and always put myself first. I use to drink and smoke, and wake up in the morning wondering what the fuck happened last night. I use to hang out late and wake up late. My life was a party. One awesome, booze filled, making out drunk, dancing til I'm numb, barely wearing clothes party.

Today was no different. I got up just after 5 pm, took a shower, ordered some food, and got ready. Tonight was going to be just like every other night. I was going to go to our favorite club, Shadow Kiss, and drink and dance my pathetic life away. It was about 5 months ago that I really starting hating what I was doing, but I knew better than to voice it to my friends. They all loved this life, this numb feeling, we never had to truly worry about anything. Our mommy and daddy's paid all the bills, and got us anything and everything we could ever want. This amazing flat I now wondered trying to find my wallet from last night was all paid by daddy dearest. He never asked questions, and my credit cards had no limits.

My parent always let me do what I wanted, I use to hate the fact that they never paid attention me, but after I turned 14 my best Lissa convinced me it was for the best. She showed me what life was without rules, without regulations. She would dance on this line, never crossing over. She would drink, smoke, do some drugs, but she never took it as far as I did. While she stuck to one guy, her boyfriend of now 5 years, I jumped from boy to boy, cause these males could never be considered men, and dared to jump over the line on more than one occasion. I had never slept with any of these boys, but I might as well have, everyone thought I did. My reputation as a slut was alive and well, and I never tired to stop it.

I have always been the life of the party. No one and I mean no one who is anyone goes out without me. Everyone knows I bring everything to a party, I bring a show, laughter, and plenty of drugs. I have never had a reason to stop, even the constant depression did not give me a reason. If anything it made me want to party harder, made me want to forget even more. Even though many worshiped the floor I walked on, I was truly a no body. I had no true achievements. No ambitions. No direction. And no self respect. I was a skanky hoe, a drug addict, and a true alcoholic. Even if I knew how to change I knew better than to think I would, or well that I could.

I stepped outside, the cool air clearing my thoughts. I needed to stop thinking so much. All this worrying, and wanting to change was not going to do me any good. I was what I was and nothing was going to change it. This is where I belonged, nothing better was going to come along for me. I knew I would end up dying young and alone, it's what people like me did. People with no purpose. People with no real lives. People who took this life for granted. I deserved pain, I deserved to be alone. But yet I was numb to it all. I wanted to care, but in the end the numbness always won.

My driver was waiting for me, as always. He knew that every night was a party night. It was sad to think that so many knew what I did, but never tried to stop it. I needed to stop thinking about all this pointless bullshit. I stepped into the limo, and took my seat. In about 10 minutes we would be pulling up to Lissa's and everyone with her would join us at the club. Taking a deep breath in, I reached into my small purse and pulled out my favorite white substance. I settled some on my pinky and inhaled it deeply, hoping it would stop the constant negative chatter in my mind. I needed to relax, I needed to enjoy tonight. Though I had no idea why. This all was starting to seem pointless to me. I honestly just wanted to turn around and go back to bed.

As we pulled up to Lissa's I could see everyone gathered around. They were all ready for tonight, I saw smiles, and heard laughter, and I could not help but envy them. They for some reason could be happy with the life they lived, and yet I could not be. I knew many people would kill for a life like mine, but they had no idea how much it really did suck. I pulled out my white powdered friend one more time and inhaled, trying to work up the courage to put on a smile on my face. The second hit always did it for me. The thoughts long gone, as I leaned my head back and the numbness settled in.

"Hey there my little party friend." Adrian got into the limo first and rested his arm around my shoulders.

He was a very attractive boy. He was 22, rich and very good looking. He had messy brown hair, emerald, green eyes and a smile any designer would want to model for them. He always looked like he had just gotten off the cat walk, and his scent was sweet yet bitter. He had always tried to get with me, but something, I don't know what always stopped me. He was one of the better guys, one who had once told me he would stop all this for me. He had told me he wanted to save me, but I had just laughed it off. He was worse than me, or so I thought so. But looking at him now, as he stared at me with concerned eyes I wasn't so sure. I leaned my head onto his shoulders and I noticed how he took a deep breath in and squeezed my shoulders.

"Things change tonight my friend." I looked up at his words, but he shrugged, killing anything I would have asked. Not only that the drugs were starting to take affect.

"Rose where is my hello?" Lissa's slurred words brought me back I couldn't help but laugh. It was 9 pm and she was already hammered. I looked up at her and a mixture of emotions hit me.

Lissa was never a bad person. Even in her drunk and drugged up state she always cared about people. She aimed to make everyone happy. She wanted everyone to like her, and she cared deeply about me. She never received the same back though, people shoved her aside and most thought she was too soft for this world. In a way she was, she deserved better. Slowly her boyfriend, Christian was dragging her out of this world. When she once went out every night like me, she now only went a few nights a week. I was happy about this though, she had someone who loved her, someone who cared enough to try and save her. I had no such luck, well I had no one worth leaving this life for. Adrian tried to help, but he just wasn't the right person. He was too caught up in all this to actually do anything about it.

I hugged her close, and could only hope it conveyed how much I cared about her. She simply giggled and then made her way to Christians lap. I envied what they had, true love she had called it many times. She said she would do anything for him, and he would do the same. I had never felt that way about anyone. I had never had anyone in my life that I would stop all this for, never had anyone who would really want me to stop all this. I was thinking too much again. The drugs weren't enough anymore. I was about to pull out the powder again when Adrian offered me his flask.

"Thanks." I mumbled as I took a big swig. The club was only a few more minutes away, and I knew I would soon get some more.

As we all got out of the limo, I swayed a bit and was caught by Christian. He steadied me, but did not let go. I looked back as saw that Lissa was staying behind chatting with Mia and Eddie, but she eyed me worried. Christian kept his hand on my elbow and led me to the line, we all knew we would never have to wait in. I looked up and studied the line as Christian talked to the bouncer. As I looked up I caught a tall figure. He looked ordinary, except for his height. He looked like a giant. But his tallness aside he looked amazing in his simple jeans and tight v-neck t-shirt. He had shoulder length hair and before I could see his eyes, Christian dragged me into the club. Soon enough the man was forgotten as my first drink made its way into my hands. I downed it in a matter of seconds and I saw the look of disapproval in Christians eyes.

"Maybe you should take it slow tonight Rose. I want to be able to see you tomorrow." Although I could see the worry in his eyes, I could not help the feeling that bubbled inside. He needed to leave me alone. I was not his problem.

I pulled away and ordered another drink. If he was going to be no fun tonight, and Lissa and Adrian were following suit I would just have to do this all on my own. They had tried this before on me. The last time I ended up in rehab. They all said they cared, that they wanted me better, but when I got out no one was there. They were all going out, all having fun and they left me behind. What was the point of getting better if no one was going to be there for me in the end? I needed people, I needed someone to be there for me, I wasn't strong enough to do it myself. I wanted to be, but I was way beyond needing a regular repair. I was broken, shattered, and no one was going to be able to put me together again.

I took my new drink and walked away. Not even bothering to look back and see their disapproving faces. I knew they didn't want me doing this. But they couldn't judge when they did it themselves. Plus what else was I going to do? What else was I good for? Nothing. I was a good for nothing. The thoughts only made me drink my drink faster. I needed all this emotional shit to disappear and fast. They were ruining my buzz, and I did not like buzz kills. I only came out because I wanted to forget, not because I wanted to see my problems head first.

Maybe I could find someone around here to distract me for a while? I needed some boy to come up to me, and either buy me a drink or dance with me. And at that moment I did not care who it was. I leaned up against a wall, and scanned the room in front of me. Who would be falling prey to me tonight? I had a few guys wink at me, but something told me to not wink, or look back. I had a certain man in mind, but I could not pin point what that man was. I finally spotted an older man, and by older I mean he was in his mid twenties, standing aside looking like he was waiting for someone. I pushed off the wall and made a beeline towards him. He looked like he could use some company.

"You look lost." It was the first words I had spoken all night, and I said them with purpose.

"Not lost pretty lady, just looking for my friend." He smiled politely at me, and I could not help but think he was different. Different than most I had met here before.

"And whose this friend? She coming soon?" I was trying to see if he was here with someone else, a lady friend of his own. I needed to know if I had to do some stealing tonight.

"No he went to the bathroom. But he hasn't been in the states for too long. Just worried he got lost." He smiled again. And my eyes widened at this. Oh god he was gay. This was not going to work out at all. I usually was better at sensing a gay man.

"Oh no no no... He's my best friend. Friend. Just friend." I laughed at the horror on his face as his own words made him realize what he had just said.

"So this friend, maybe we should go looking for him. I would love to help him out." He hooked his arm with mine and led me to the bathrooms. I could not help the smile that crossed my features. This man was not like the others I had encountered. He was friendly, and polite, and something told me he was truly not interested in finding someone to hook up with. I knew I wanted some action, but just being around him was nice. It was like I actually wanted to make some friends tonight.

He led me to a dark corner, as he tried to look over everyones heads. He seemed to have spotted what he wanted and started dragging me along. He suddenly stopped and turned back to me. He changed directions and I saw he was heading to the bar. I looked at him questioningly and he simply shrugged his shoulders. He pushed us through the large crowd and surprisingly got the bar attenders attention quickly. I was surprised because I knew him. Mason never let anyone get his attention but me. He was only nice to those he knew and liked. This guy must have an in.

"What do you want little lady?" He turned his dashing smile on me once again, and I almost had a hard time answering him.

"Vodka on the rocks." He nodded and turned to Mason telling him he would need 10 Russian vodka shots sent to table 10. He turned back towards me and extended his hand. He leaned in as the music got louder and I could not help the feeling that passed through me. He was not leaning in to hit on me, or try and seduce me. He was leaning in simply cause he wanted me to hear him.

"Ivan." He said his name and his name alone. I leaned in as well.

"Rose." I offered back. And I was confused as to why I gave him my real name. I never did that. I always lied, and tried to make believe I was someone else.

I hooked his arm with mine once again and he led me back to the area we had just come back from. He pushed and shoved. And made sure I could keep up. He would look back and smile every once in a while, and I could not help the warm feeling that gathered in my chest. It was not one of lust or want. It was just a wonderful feeling. A feeling that I could trust him. A feeling that he was not going to use me like everyone else. I had no idea why. Maybe it was all the coke I had done earlier. We finally made it to table 10 and I spotted him as soon as the crowd cleared.

Sitting there was the man from outside. The tall, shoulder length hair guy that had caught my attention. As I surveyed him again, I was finally able to take in all his detail. He was fit, and lean, but yet packed with muscles. His hair was long and shoulder length but it screamed masculine. His lips, bow like, plump and I swear I could already tell they felt like silk. But what stunned me the most were his chocolate brown eyes. I had never thought brown eyes could be so intriguing. I almost felt like I could drown in them. Just as I finished my assessment he looked up and spotted Ivan. He smiled a bit, and as he spotted me his smile fell. I felt hurt at this but let it pass. Just as we made it to the table, the 10 shots Ivan had ordered were delivered.

"Rose, this here is my good friend Dimitri." Ivan motioned to him, immediately said Dimitri extended his hand and offered it to me. I took his hand and it was like the whole club disappeared. I almost pulled back at the shock waves sent to me, but thought better of it and just gripped his hand harder. Ivan leaned in again and whispered.

"He just got in from Russia. He knows English, but had never been to the states before. I'm just trying to get him to get loose. Mind helping me?" I smiled at his need for my help. But decided I was more than willing. I sat down next to Dimitri, and handed him one of the shots. Ivan grabbed one for himself, but he seemed to be lost in another world.

"Welcome to America comrade." He smiled at me, and I found myself in a daze. It was one hell of a fucking smile. He lifted the small glass and bumped it with mine, and we both downed the shot. He put the glass down, and leaned in just like Ivan had, but his breath near my ear made me shiver.

"I'm sorry but I didn't catch your name." His voice was thick with accent, and that made me shiver even more. I had never had the pleasure of hearing a Russian accent, but now that I had. I wanted to hear it all the time. I took the opportunity to lean in myself and I made sure to get extra close to his ear. Letting out a small hot breath, and I saw his eyes close and I whispered.

"You can call me Rose. You're Rose." I pulled away and he slowly licked his lips. I grabbed another shot and handed it to him. "To new beginnings." We clinked our glasses again, and this time Ivan didn't take a shot. I could not help but stare at Dimitri as he leaned his head back and let this clear harsh liquid go down his throat. He made even the smallest gestures seem sexy, and illegal. We finished all the shots, and Ivan somehow made even more show up. Before I knew it Ivan had disappeared and my favorite song started playing. I got off my seat and grabbed Dimitri's hand.

He stopped me when he noticed I was dragging him to the dance floor. He suddenly looked timid. And I loved it. He had been acting shy the whole time but not like this. He seemed ashamed of himself, and I knew why. He clearly did not dance a lot. But he was going to dance with me. I had to have this man dance with. I needed a reason to get him closer. I needed to feel him up against me. I tugged harder but he was no longer budging. I smiled at him, a smile I saw that made him weak to the knees, and motioned for him to come down to my level. He did so without hesitation.

"I need you to dance with me." I purred into his ear, and his earlier doubt vanished. He followed me to the dance floor with no more resistance.

I pulled him into the middle of the crowd, and pulled him close. I let myself get lost in the music, not worrying about those around us. Now I was dancing for him and only him. I started grinding against him, and he stopped moving. I smirked at him and continued my grinding. His hands laid nicely on my sides, but I needed them on my hips. I pulled them down, and he tightened his grip. I wrapped my arms around his torso and pulled him even closer. I made sure every part of me was rubbing against him. With every move his gripped tightened. And as it tightened my need for him increased. This man was driving me crazy. I was not even anywhere near as drunk as I usually was. His touch was electrifying. After a few songs, he leaned down and hovered his mouth to my ear. I pressed harder to him, and I vaguely heard the chuckle that left his lips.

"Roza, let me show what a real man is like." I pulled away shocked. This once shy man was turning into exactly what I needed. It wasn't until then that I knew he meant it. This was not a boy standing in front of me. This was a man. A real man. A man that could make me feel things I had never felt before. I took his hand and led him to the exit. I texted my driver telling him it was time to go home. I was shocked to see it was only a little past 11pm. Hours before I would normally go home. We passed the bar, and Mason winked at us as we walked by.

My driver was ready for us as soon as we walked out the door. I had no idea why I was bringing him with me. I had never brought anyone back to my place before. I always made sure we never went anywhere but the club. I never wanted to sleep with anyone of them. I had no interest in sex. It was too much physical contact for me. And I tried to avoid it as much as possible. But with Dimitri I felt different. I wanted to bring him home. I wanted to take him up on his offer. In the couple hours I had met him he made me feel more than anyone had ever. I wanted to say it was because I was under the influence but this was the most sober I had been in ages.

"A limo huh?" Dimitri sat next to me and he stared at the inside of the limo in wonder. His eyes scanned everything, and I could tell this was his first time in one.

"Yea, I got to get home somehow." I laughed but it held no humor. Too many bad memories were made in this limo. "Do you like it?" I suddenly wanted him to. It was part of my life and something about this man made me want him to accept me and everything I had.

"It is very nice Roza." The rolling of his R's made me close my eyes. What was this man doing to me. I knew nothing about him, but yet I felt like I had known him forever.

"Wait until you see my place. It's even nicer than this." He raised an eyebrow at this and a sly smirk crossed his face.

My driver pulled up to my flat and I pulled Dimitri along with me. We made our way to the elevator and he never once tried to make a move on me. He seemed content to just be holding my hand. When I finally dared to meet his gaze I was stunned at what I found. He was looking at me with admiration. Most boys looked at me with lust, like a piece of meat they could not wait to get ahold of. Dimitri looked at me like I was some rare gem, something he could not believe was right in front of him. His gaze made me feel good, I had never felt like this before.

"See something you like comrade?" I gave him my own smirk and before he could answer the elevator doors opened. I pulled him to my door and was fumbling with my keys, he reached over to stop me and turned me to face him.

"I see a lot I like Roza. You're so beautiful. So absolutely gorgeous. Yet you act like no one has ever said that to you." I couldn't help but stare at him, his eyes spoke his honesty and I seriously had no idea what to say. No one had told me that before. I had been told I was hot, that I was beyond sexy, that my body turned many on. But no one had ever said anything so sweet so truthful, it almost pained me to hear the words.

"Let's go inside." He nodded his head and helped me with the keys his gaze never leaving me, and his hand never leaving mine.

I pulled him around the flat wordlessly, just watching his reaction to everything he saw. He was in awe and in wonder with everything I owned. My father bought me the very best, and I even had some very old paintings. Dimitri seemed to noticed them and walked up to one pulling me along. He looked back wanting me to confirm that it was an original and I simply nodded.

"This is amazing. I never thought I would see one in person before." It was at that moment that I wanted to know more about this man in front of me. I wanted to know him as a person, and that was new for me. I wanted to find a connection with him that I had never found in anyone else before. I wanted to know his likes his dislikes, about his family and friends.

"Tell me about yourself Dimitri. I want to know everything." His smile grew even wider and he led me to the living room couch.

He then proceeded to tell me about his life in Russia. His family, whom he loved dearly. He spent extra time describing his mother, and I saw how much he loved and respected her for raising 4 kids on her own. He spoke of his sisters in the same manner, but I could tell how protective of them he was. He joked about his crazy grandmother. And even told me about a crazy ex he once had. He talked about his love of western books, and John Wayne movies. He told me his favorite color, and had even gone as far as to tell me about his need to have everything organized in his life. He made fun of his color coordinated wardrobe, and how he had to make the bed every morning.

"What about you Roza. I want to know about you." I stared at him in wonder. Why would a man like him want to know about a mess like me. I reached for my purse wanting to inhale my white powder in hope that it would give me some courage around this amazing man. A man that came home with me, but never once tried making a move on me. He treated me with respect, and was genuinely interested in knowing about me. He grabbed my purse away and shook his head.

"You don't need that to talk to me Roza. I want to hear about you. The real you." I was shocked to say the least, how did he know I was reaching for my drugs. How did he know I thought I needed it to talk to him about myself? This man was truly amazing, a god, an angel sent for me. I questioned if maybe something was going to finally save me.

"I don't know where to start Dimitri. I'm a mess. Not worth the time of someone so amazing like you. You never take advantage of anything or anyone. I always have. I party. I drink. I do drugs. And I have never worked a day in my life. I honestly have nothing to show for myself like you do." I hung my head, but Dimitri had something else in mind. He tipped my chin up with his large hand and once again I was lost in that intense gaze.

"People can change Roza. I know you want more than this. I can see it in your eyes. You just don't know how to do it." He leaned closer, and my breathing hitched, his close proximity was overwhelming me. "Let me help you." With that his lips met mine.

I found myself lost in the kiss. I had never been kissed like that in my life. It was not about lust, or need, the kiss held passion, and a fire I never knew existed. It was like Dimitri was trying to tell me something with his lips, and oddly enough I knew what it was. What surprised me the most was that I wanted him to help me. I wanted him here, with me, and not just so we could fool around. I wanted to get to know him more, I wanted him to get to know me, the real me, the one I hid constantly and never let out too afraid of what others would think. I could not help the next words that left my mouth.

"Dimitri." He fixed his eyes onto mine. Lending me strength, willing me with his eyes to just ask. So I did. "Save me." So he did.

_**Ok so be honest with me... What do you think? Was it good? Bad? Please let me know I would love to write more stories like this! Well short stories... Review please?!**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Wow thank you so much to those that have reviewed! I was not expecting such a wonderful **__**response! **__**dimitrisgirl1971 Your compliment means so much to me! I love writing and hearing that just makes me want to write even more. You have all asked for more so here it is... Please be honest... This chapter takes a different turn... Enjoy**_

Save me 2

It hurt. It hurt so fucking much. I had always thought I handled pain well, that I was strong, but at this moment I knew it wasn't true. I could not handle this. I would not handle this. I needed a hit. I needed a hit now. I needed my fix. I needed to be numb. This pain was unbearable, and I knew I could not handle it much more. I sat here sweating, shaking, and wondered why the fuck I ever agreed to this. I needed a fucking hit and I needed it now. I was sure I would die, if my body did not get its fix. The pain was worse today than it was yesterday. They had lied when they said it would get better. Every day it got worse, then again I wasn't even sure how long I had been in here. It could have been months, weeks, days, or just mere hours.

I would sit here for what seemed like forever wondering if this was truly worth all the pain. I had been doing so well before, I mean I wasn't dead, yet. This pain was not worth anything, or was it. I had to keep reminding myself why I was here, what I was doing this for. I could not help but think I was not doing this for myself. I mean I came here because I agreed with him. His words had once made sense to me. Looking back now I could not remember the reasons, I could not remember if this was all worth the pain. I had a hard time grasping why I would put myself through all this. But if I thought really hard it would all come back to me.

There was only one thing I looked forward to and it was his visits. His encouraging words. His constant reminders why I was doing this. It was true I would soon forget when the pain would become too much for me to handle, but the thought of him also lingered in the back of my mind. At first they would not let him near me, they told me this was something I would have to do on my own. But when the screams became too much, and they saw how much I calmed down with him around they let him come once, maybe it was once a day, maybe once in a while, I had no idea since my time was lost, blurred and confused. But all I knew was that when he was near the pain seemed distant, it was still there but it seemed like I could handle it, like it was worth while.

It was amazing to think that in less than a months times with him he convinced me I could do this. I had this strong urge to make myself better, to be someone he could proudly call his girlfriend. Even before I thought of this, he was proud. He told his family about me after a week of being together. I was scared of what they would think, but I never heard anything negative from them. Dimitri came crashing into my world in a matter of hours and changed everything I had ever thought. He gave me a reason to live, a reason to change, and even though we had only dated for three weeks before I was dropped off here he gave me something to love.

The last three weeks, if I focused really hard, were the best three weeks of life. I had done a ton of firsts, and it was all because of him. I had my first real date. My first real kiss. My first true feelings since I was 14. And my first real feelings. I thought I felt things before, but I had been wrong. Dimitri made me feel everything. He had shown me a sunset and a sunrise. He had sat outside with me for hours holding me making sure I saw what mother nature had to offer. At first I thought he was crazy, and that watching the sunset and rise had been pointless, until he held me and I watched it for the first time through new eyes.

He showed me that a kiss could have meaning. That there were many different kisses. I knew his good night kisses, from his good morning ones. I knew about passionate kisses, simple peck,s to a you are wonderful kiss. I had always thought a kiss was a kiss, and they held no meaning. That was until I met him. Until Dimitri showed me life was so much more than I thought it was. Dimitri was the reason I was here, and that was a good thing. He gave me a reason to fight for, a reason to change, and oddly enough I wasn't really changing for him.

I wanted to change for me. I wanted the world to see I worth something, I refused to be someone who came and went and no one would remember in the end. He showed me that life was worth living for and not just for others. He taught me that sometimes I came first and it was not because I was being selfish. In three weeks this man changed how I saw the world, and most of all how I saw myself. He took me out on dates, showered me with compliments, and gave me the courage to want to change. He spent every moment he could with me but our sexual tension only led to hot and heavy make out sessions. He never once pushed for more, never once touched me anywhere private and he made sure I knew he wanted to wait until I was ready.

Dimitri treated me like a princess, when I believed he should have treated me horribly. He could have any girl in this world and for some reason he had chosen me. When I asked him why, he would simple answer with a "Because I did.". From the moment I saw him I knew he was different, but I could not believe how so. His touches were gentle, his kisses full of passion, and his words only carried the sweetest things to my ears. He somehow treated me like a delicate flower, while letting me know that even roses had thorns to protect themselves.

About 2 weeks after meeting, Dimitri brought up rehab to me. I had shrugged him off and quite literally thrown him out of my apartment, but he would not leave. He sat outside my door begging me for a chance to explain himself, while I locked myself in the bathroom inhaling the white substance he wanted me so badly to stop. He broke down the door and held me all night while I cried, while I spilled my heart to him, he never let go and he never once left. It wasn't until the third week that everything went to hell and he no longer gave me a choice. Well he did but my options were limited.

I had gotten into an argument with him again, about quitting the drugs. He could live with the drinking and smoking for now but he wanted me to desperately stop the drugs. I told him I was fine, I threw things at him and once again kicked him out of my place. Only this time he left. He did not stand behind my front door begging to come in. I even opened the door checking for him and he was gone. I began to panic, I had lost the one person who stayed, the one person who was really trying to help me.I trashed my apartment in a fury, and stumbled upon the one hidden stash Dimitri had not found and thrown away. I found my way to my bedroom, laid on the bed and inhaled away.

I remembered everything going numb. I could no longer think, no longer feel. And at that moment it felt wonderful. The pain from Dimitri leaving was too much to bare, I knew at that moment that I could not live without him. As everything started getting dark and I noticed that in the short amount of time I had known him I had fallen in love with him. As I was sure death was sinking in a thought of how stupid I had been, all this time came to mind, I had wanted someone to save me, and when they came into my life I pushed them away and took them for granted. I only remember a few things about what happened next, but the one thing clear as day in my mind was Dimitri's face as he hovered over me begging me to stay with him.

It turns out Dimitri just needed to go for a walk. So he took a stroll around the block to clear his mind, he had planned on returning the whole time. He just did not want to argue with me anymore. I now understood what he had done, but I had mistaken it as him leaving me. He found me on my bed, near death, and blamed himself for leaving me alone. When I woke up in the hospital my guilt was consuming me. I knew then I truly did not deserve this angel that had been sent to me. But he had been there by my bedside when I woke up. Tears staining his gorgeous face as he took in my waking eyes. He then gave me a choice.

"Rose you need to decide where you want your life to go from now on. Life has given you a second chance. I hate to do this but its either a future with me or no future at all." His face had stayed emotionless as he said these words, his words almost monotone. But I could read him like a book. He was telling me he wanted me, but not like this. I broke down and knew I could not live my life without him.

Thats how I ended up where I am now. Its a rehab, but its held out of someones home. Its suppose to be more soothing than living in an institute. Dimitri researched the hell out of this place for me. He made sure I would be getting the best of the best, and got my parents to even help out. They had been shocked to know I had ruined my life so much. And even apologized when came to see me. They knew they had not been the greatest parents, but now knew how much their lack of presence had affected me. In a way it made what I was doing even easier. But at the moment it did not.

The pain was back. The need to make it go away. I needed something, anything to make this go away. I knew exactly what would make it better and I was going to score some and now. With strength I no longer thought I possessed I shot up from the single bed they gave me and barreled my way through the door. It had been locked, its job to keep me in. But my mind was not working with me. I needed out. I needed a fix and I was going to get it. If I was actually thinking I would have known that I was not going to find one. Especially since this house was in the middle of no where. We were surrounded by land, forests, and more land. I was never going to find my way to were I could score a fix. But like I said my mind was not working properly.

My effort to break down the door was heard by all and it was not long before my consular was chasing after me. I somehow got outside and made a run into the trees. I could hear him yelling to me to come back, but the last thing I wanted to do was stop. After about 20 minutes I lost him, but soon came to realize I had lost myself too. My breathing was coming out in pants, and my body betrayed me by shaking again. I collapsed to the ground, and my face was soon covered in tears. What was I doing? Had I truly lost my mind. The addict in me had gotten me lost in the middle of the woods. I could run the risk of never being found. True panic settled in, and I imagined the disappointment that would come from Dimitri when he found out I had run.

I soon gathered myself up and tried to walk in the direction I came in, the only thing was I could not remember what direction that was. I walked for what seemed like hours, not being able to see anything in the black starless night. I was screwed. I had once again messed up, and now there was no one here to help me. I tripped over an unseen root, and settled into a little ball on the ground. I could not stop the sobs that erupted from my mouth. I wanted to go back, I did not want to give up. What had come over me? I wanted Dimitri right now. I needed to tell him how sorry I was. I even caught myself repeating his name over and over again, saying I was sorry in between my sobs. I was startled out of my panicked state when two strong arms picked me up. I thought I was dreaming until I heard his voice.

"It's OK now my Roza I have you." I knew he was carrying me back and the guilt took over.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry... Dimitri please I didn't mean to." He cut me off and held me closer to him.

"I know Roza I know. It's all fine now I have you. Don't you worry I am never letting you go."

With those words I knew he was there for me. Dimitri never said anything he did not mean. He had told me time and time again that he would be there for me and I believed him. He had never once broken his promise, he had never once showed me he would break his word. That was the amazing thing about him, he knew what he wanted to do and he did it. He never went back on anything he said. And he was always there for me when I needed him the most. I still did not believe I deserved such a wonderful man in my life though. I was just this broken girl, one he constantly had to be fixing. He would soon find out that I was not worth saving.

"Oh thank god you found her." My mind was exhausted and I barely made out my fathers voice as I let myself fall into the dark waters.

Waking up this time seemed easier. The pain was still there but I felt like I could fight it. I felt like it was not going to consume me. I sat up to find myself once again in my room. I looked over to the door and wondered if it had all been a dream. There was no trace of any damage on the door, and I thought I was going crazy. I made myself stand up and I walked over the the empty desk. Only it wasn't as empty as before. On top of it was a journal and one lone black pen. I reached over and as soon as I touched it I felt like I knew who it was from. The journal was bond in leather and I thought it looked beautiful. In gold ink was a single rose on the cover. I traced my fingers over it and sighed. I opened it slowly and found in handwriting I knew a small note for me.

_My Roza,_

_I always found it easier to write everything down. I bought this the day after I met you. I wanted to make sure I remembered everything about you, so here my beautiful Roza is everything that crossed my mind in those three weeks I had with you._

_Forever yours, _

_Dimitri_

As I turned the page I noticed the date, he had truly started writing about me so soon after meeting me. I skimmed the following pages and noticed he never missed a day. He wrote about me every day, and I felt tears fall down my face. He had even written about me until what I thought was yesterday. This gesture was so sweet, so thoughtful, and once again renewed my strength to keep doing what I was doing here. I started from the beginning and took every word in he wrote. I could not believe how he saw me. He never once saw me as a failure, as a broken little girl. His words made me sound like a goddess, one he was worshipping. Page after page he wrote about me, about us being together and how I made him feel.

I could not put the little journal down. My eyes were glued to the pages and I could not believe how detailed he wrote about us being together. He described each hug, each kiss like it was some monumental moment. He made every touch every look sound like a hollywood movie. It was in this moment that I noticed that what he felt for me was exactly what I felt for him. I was going to get through this. I was going to finish this program and never be that girl anymore. I was going to become the woman Dimitri deserved. I was going to become the woman Dimitri saw me as.

As I turned to the last page he left me another note. He asked me to finish the journal. To write my own thoughts, and that he wanted to someday read it and know my most inner musings. I smiled at this, he wanted to know who I really was just like I ached to know more about him. I picked up the pen and dated it, wondering if I had guessed the date correctly. I could always fix it later. I started writing and it was as if I could not stop. My thoughts spilled onto the pages and I too found myself writing about the one person who made me feel so much. I described each date, every kiss, hug and touch. It was as if I was reliving each moment and the more I wrote the stronger I felt.

It took Dimitri two weeks to come visit me again. I had found out he had requested it. He had wanted me to grow strong on my own, just like he knew I could. I found myself giddy as I waited for his arrival. I imagined what he would look like to me now, that he would not be covered by my drugged filled haze. I had recently been seeing things in a new light. The sun shone brighter, the wind caressed my skin. Water in the shower felt wetter. It was amazing to think that I could feel now. When once I had longed for the numbness now I ached to feel. I needed emotions and feelings, they made me feel alive. I had finally realized how dead I had been before. Now I could appropriate everything the world had to offer, and I was no longer going to take advantage of it.

I sat outside on the porch swing waiting for Dimitri's arrival. I squinted hoping to spot his jeep in the distance but nothing came into view. I knew it was still early and he was not expected to come for another couple hours but I could not help myself. I missed him. I wanted to see him so badly, show him all the progress I had made in the month I had been here. They had given me the option to leave here now, but I opted to stay for another month. I wanted to truly know that I could go out in the real world and survive. I did not want to give into the temptations, so I thought a longer stay would help. Everyone here had been proud of me and were more than willing to help me. I laid down on the swing and let my eyes rest. I would have to wait longer for him to get here.

"You know when I was little I use to sit out on my own porch swing." I opened my eyes to find that my head was resting on Dimitri's lap as he stroked my hair. I smiled at him and he smiled back and he continued. "I use to sit out there for hours thinking, imagining what life had in store for me. My sisters use to call me a dreamer. They even feared I would get lost in my dreams and never come back."

"Dreams aren't a bad thing. They are almost like goals you can reach." I sat up now and looked Dimitri in the eyes.

"Can I tell you a secret?" He asked me and I saw his eyes fill with hurt. I could not imagine what bad secret he was going to tell me. But I mustered up my courage.

"You can tell me anything." He nodded then looked out into the vast land.

"I was once were you are now." I looked at him in shock. How could he Dimitri the god ever be caught in drugs, alcohol and this life I had lived. "I was 17 when I started. I guess you can say I was rebelling. My family was amazing I had no reason to do any of it, but I still did. I thought I needed to experience it all." He looked back at me and pushed some hair behind my ear. "In the end Ivan saved me. He made me go to rehab after he found me passed out naked on the street." He chuckled but it held no humor.

"Ivan spotted me from a mile away didn't he?" I now knew why Ivan wanted me to meet Dimitri so badly.

"Yes." His eyes bore into mine before he spoke. "Roza, he had seen you on many occasions in that club. When I came to America, he could not stop talking about you. He didn't want you for himself, he wanted me to save you. He said he knew I was the one. I laughed at this, but when I met you I knew he had been right." I sighed in content and placed my hand on his cheek, he closed his eyes and leaned into my touch.

"Thank you Dimitri." He opened his eyes and a beautiful smile crossed his lips. "I'm sorry to hear you went through the same, but I am glad you are here now. Here with me. You helped me. You saved me. Thank you." He only nodded his head in understanding and pulled me close to his body and held me for the rest of the visit.

Dimitri left that day, telling me that he would not come back until I was done the program. He promised to pick me up in a months time and we could start our life together then. He told me he had a surprise for me, and that he longed to see me again soon. Oddly his goodbye was not a bad one. I thought I would cry and ache for him to come back. But I knew I had to work on myself. I knew I had to be alright with myself and depend on only me before I could truly be well. Dimitri understood all this, he had been through all this, and I admired the fact that he could tell me what happened to him. It only made me feel closer to him. It only made me love him more.

I spend my days writing, Dimitri had sent me even more rose covered journals, and even went as far as getting me some fancy pens. I was grateful for it all though. Writing truly did help. I wrote every single day, and the more I wrote the better I got at it. I even made one journal a story journal, where I would right down fairy tales and long lost thoughts down in. I would write quotes and draw in those pages. These journals set me free. I could be myself while writing in them, I could confess secrets and never be judged. These journals were a wonderful present to me, and I was glad once again to have Dimitri in my life.

As the last week in rehab neared I took the time to reflect back to who I use to be not even 2 months ago. I could hardly believe that girl had been me. I had been so lost and confused. As I looked around this wonderful place I saw everything I had been missing. I thought I was living but in reality I had been dying. I was living now, I could feel and think for myself. I had control over my own body. Nothing and no one else told me what to do. I was not controlled by an addiction, I was controlled by my own mind. And it was liberating.

When the week ended Dimitri was true to his word. He showed up in his jeep ready to bring me home. I had feared going back to that place though. I could not stand the thought of the flat I use to live in. It had been my own personal hell, and I dreaded walking through that door. But my consular Mark had told me it was a fear I should face. I was going to go back there but only to look. My father had bought me a new flat that was closer to the outskirts of the city, somewhere much more quiet for me. Somewhere I would not be as tempted. I had even been enrolled to start college classes starting in the fall. I would have all summer to myself and I knew exactly who I wanted to spend it with.

As we pulled up to my old flat Dimitri took my hand in his and helped me out. I had asked him to come with me. He had once been there with me, and we would both be putting this place in our past. I hesitated at the door, and he helped me out by grabbing my keys from me. He opened the door and pushed me in. The place looked like hell. It was still trashed from my last break down. I was glad it was still this way though. It only showed me even more so how much I had changed. How much I had grown up. I took one more lap around the flat and lead Dimitri to the exit. I am no longer who I was in this place. I will not look back, I will learn from all this but never return to it again.

About thirty minutes later Dimitri pulled up at my new flat. Or should I say home. The place was tucked in a corner far away from the hustle and bustle of the city, it was perfect. Someone had even planted a small garden in the front. I grabbed Dimitri's hand and led him to the door. He fumbled with some keys and opened the door for me. He surprised me as he lifted me up in his arms and carried me through the threshold. As he set me down and I took in the flat I was dumbfounded. In my old place everything I owned had been dark. I had loved the dark cherry woods, everything cloth was black, the tiles hard marble. But not here. Everything was white, pale blues and pink. I never thought I would like anything like this, but it somehow seemed fitting. There was nothing harsh, nothing bitter, this place truly shouted new beginnings.

"I will let you get settled. I'll come back and make you dinner. I must go to my place." Dimitri kissed my forehead and as he started to head out I stopped him.

"Can this be your home too?" He looked at me startled and took a step back to me.

"Roza my dear I would never want to overstep my boundaries. I would nev..." I cut him off by pulling him into a kiss. One he gladly returned and I melted into. I pulled away out of breath and made sure to look right into his chocolate brown eyes.

"This can be a new beginning for both of us. I chose a future with you and I meant it. I know we have not spent a lot of time together and it maybe complicated. But..." I trailed off not so certain as to what I was trying to say. I was trying to put into words this feeling that was taking over.

"Roza my dear. Roza my love. Sometimes time is not needed for one to know how they feel." His hand came up to cup my cheek and I smiled. I had not needed to use words, like always he knew what was on my mind. Like always he felt the same way to. "Roza I love you." I stopped breathing as the words left his lips. I had known he cared, but even though I had those thoughts I never thought he would return them as well.

"As I love you Dimitri." He gave me one more kiss and started to pull me out of the flat.

"Where are we going?" He chuckled at me, like I had said some joke. Only furthering my confusion.

"To get my things." My heart thudded in my chest and I gladly followed him. We were going to start over together in this place. I knew I would always have him, I was his like he was mine. Many would think us to be crazy. Many would say we know nothing about each other. But they are wrong. In the short amount of time I have known him, I have truly gotten to know him. Between his stories and that journal, I knew he was the one for me. He was the one I was suppose to be with. The one to love. The one who saved me.

_**So what do you think? Did I do this justice... I put a lot of thought into this chapter... I can try one more chapter, but I kinda like where this ended... Also I wrote my very first lemon and am rather proud of it... Do you want to see it or are my readers not wanting that... I'll post it if people ask for it, and those who don't can just skip it... It would be clearly marked... Review or PM me to let me know! Also I excepting stories to beta! I love helping out so just let me know!**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Ok so I totally was not going to do another chapter but I got caught up in this story again. I truly hope you enjoy it as much as the other two chapters. Thank you all again for the reviews, follows and favorites... You guys are amazing... Enjoy!**_

The temptation was everywhere. The waiter once again asked for my drink order, but I once again waved him off. I looked around the room trying to spot Dimitri but he was no where in sight. It had been 5 months since I left rehab, 7 months of being sober, and every day was a struggle. I knew Dimitri went through the same thing but he made it seem so easy. He never gave the drugs a second glance, and was able to control when and where he drank. I was not as strong. I decided that drinking in general was probably a bad idea. I mean I had wanted to just have one drink, but I was afraid I would not be able to stop after one. I had never known what drinking causally was. I had always drank to get drunk. Dimitri would have one drink and stop, he would know when it was fine to get drunk and when to let it go. I did not. I did not want to chance ruining everything so I had decided it would be a sober night. Dimitri supported me and decided as well that being sober was a great idea.

Actually I cannot recall Dimitri drinking since I got out of rehab. He drank with me before it all, but never once mentioned a drink in the last five months. We found other ways to entertain ourselves. We went to the movies, on late night walks, or simply stayed home talking and enjoying each others company. I looked around once more for him but he was not within sight. I took a sip of my orange soda and let my thoughts come over me once again. Things had not been easy for us these last five months, but we still found a way to make it work. He had his job at the dojo, and I had found a job as a secretary at a dentist office. We both worked long hours and would only get time together after 8pm and both of us would be tired. We would barely made it through dinner on most nights.

I hated the lack of time together, but I knew this was normal. Many couples went through this. Lissa had assured me it was all fine. That all that mattered was that we cared and wanted to make it work. Speaking of Lissa she had completely given up going out and partying the day Christian got down on one knee and proposed, three months ago. That is why I was here, her parents were throwing a huge engagement party. All of our old friend were here but they all were ignoring me. I was happy Dimitri was here, but not so happy he was no where in sight. He had spotted an old friend and had walked off with her telling me he was going to get us some food. As I looked at my watch I noticed that was 20 minutes ago.

When this friend of his had approached us Dimitri had stiffened. His usually carefree composure had changed. He became serious and stoic, and I could not help but wonder what was wrong. He had told me a lot about his past, but I had told him we needed not worry about it, and had to focus on our future. He had agreed and we both decided to not speak of the past unless it was completely necessary. We had found out a lot about each other, but the past was simply that, the past. If we dwelled on it too much our life together would never grow, and both of us wanted to know what the future held. I knew this woman had been from his past, I tried to shrug it off, but something told me he would be needing my help tonight. He had spent so much time helping me, the time had come for me to step up.

I started to walk around the crowds of drunken guest, on my mission to find my man. I noticed that many of the guest were staring at me, no doubt wondering when I was going to cause a scene. I knew they all thought the sober act was just that, an act. I was going to have to win people's respect again. They had to see I did really change and well if they could not they could just go fuck themselves. Oddly enough Dimitri had been the one to tell me this. He told me not to dwell on what others were saying, that it was enough to just have myself know I was doing better and trying to be someone. My eyes swept the room again, and I was certain Dimitri was not in here. Just as I was about to go outside a set of small arms went around me waist.

"Rose! Oh Rose." Lissa's teasing voice was inches from my ear. I grinned and turned around pulling her into a hug. "I'm so happy you are here Rose. You look great. Truly amazing. I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks Liss. That means a lot to me." And it really did, Lissa had left that life too she knew what it was like, not many of the others talked to her either. She as well as I did knew they were here for the free booze and food. It sadden both of us but we knew there was nothing we could do. Right now we both had to focus on fixing ourselves. We both still had a lot to work through. But I was happy that our friendship had been able to get through it all. Lissa was an amazing person, and I would always want her in my life.

" I wanted to ask you something." Lissa's eyes looked worried and nervous and I myself started to feel that way, I could only think it was something bad. Oh god what if she did not want me as her friend anymore. "Oh no nothing bad Rose love." She giggled and continued. "I would really love for you to be my maid of honor." I was speechless. I never thought she would choose me, I was the messed up one. I mean I knew we had been friend since eternity, but I thought she would pick someone, well more deserving.

"Liss are you sure." She raise an eyebrow at me and gave me a glare, one I laughed at and knew she would not stop unless I agreed to so I hugged her again. "I would be honored." The smile she rewarded me with was worth coming here tonight.

With that Lissa left saying she had to go say hello to more people and I went forward with finding Dimitri. I made a quick stop at the ladies room, and smiled at my reflection. Lissa had been right I did look good. Ever since I stopped everything my skin glowed, and the tan showed more. My eyes sparkled and I just felt good about myself. I looked like a real person and I felt like one too. I stepped out of the bathroom smiling, until I heard yelling down the hall. I walked slowly towards to corner and noticed one of the voices was that of my Russian lover. Who was he arguing with? I had never heard him yell before so whoever it was had really pissed him off. I neared the corner and stayed behind it so I could listen. I knew it was wrong to listen, but I had to know why my lover was so mad. I knew I would have to make him feel better after this and I could only hope it did not end up too bad.

"Come on Dimka. You know that whore is just going to go back to her old life. She's done it before." An annoying voice whined at him and I nearly went and punched her. I was not a whore.

"Tasha!" Dimitri's voice was firm. He still held his control, but I could tell it was slipping."Don't you dare call her that. You know nothing about her. Or us for that matter."I was happy that he defended me, but I wanted him to get away from this, he did not do well when someone was attacking me. I looked around the corner to see Dimitri trying to run away. But a thin pale, black haired woman was stopping him, she grabbed his arm and would not let him go. The look in her eyes was desperate. She knew what she wanted and he was not going to get away.

"What we had was amazing. Please I know you still love me." I noticed then that said Tasha's words were slightly slurred. She was drunk. Definitely someone from his past, she also had a slight Russian accent not as thick as his, but it was there. Which means she probably was from the bad past.

"I. DO. NOT. LOVE. YOU!" Dimitri had lost his patience, but still remained in control. "You were a mistake in my life, you are still a mistake. Look at you. You're drunk, hanging all over a man who is taken. Taken Tasha!" Tasha then tried to pull him into a kiss and I lost my control. I stopped thinking and just acted. Something I had been trying hard to learn, but sometimes you had to punch first and ask questions later.

"Don't touch him you skank!" I walked over to them and shoved her away, putting Dimitri behind me. "What part of NO do you not understand." This woman was either stupid or had a death wish.

"Oh look the little slut has come to claim what is MINE." I rolled my eyes at her and decided to be the better person and walk away. Dimitri took my hand and we started to walk away together. He held my hand tightly the only indication of his anger.

That was until the crazy drunk decided to jump me. She grabbed my hair and forced me away from Dimitri. This bitch had no idea who she was dealing with. I did not need drugs or alcohol to make me a fighter, I had my fathers temper and my mothers coordination. I easily knocked her off me and punched her square in the face. She grabbed her now probably broken nose and screamed. I closed my eyes knowing this was exactly what I did not want. People were going to come and once again I would be reckless Rose. The Rose I was working so hard to not be, the one I wanted them to see I was no longer. And it was all cause this said Tasha could not keep her cool. Dimitri tried to grab my hand but I pulled away, I was going to handle this like an adult, I was trying to show that was what I was, not a reckless child.

Christian ran out and sat next the woman. And it was then that I noticed the resemblance. They both had black hair and icy blue eyes. The same facial features. I was so screwed I just punched Christian relative, at his engagement party. This was not good, not good at all. It also made me crave a drink badly. All I wanted was a shot of vodka, a shot that would ease the pain in my chest, quiet my now screaming mind. I had tried so hard to make that voice shut up, but once again it was over powering. I had wanted Christian to see that I had change that I was trying, and he would, just like everyone else think nothing had changed.

"Why did you do this?" Christian fixed his glare on me. But before I could say anything Lissa interrupted him. Lissa my own personal angel.

"Chris don't come to conclusions. I came out here earlier and your aunt was all over Dimitri, even though he was telling her no. Not only that she's drunk." Lissa stood firm, but Christian was still filled with rage. Tasha was now crying and playing the poor me card. Lissa rolled her eyes, and stared at her lover, she knew I had changed, and was trying just as hard as me, if not harder, to get people to see that I was not the same Rose.

"Christian I swear she jumped on me, I just defended myself. I was trying to walk away." Christian looked me up and down nodded his head and mouthed a sorry to me.

"ROSE!" Lissa's mom came out screaming. "Leave you useless girl." Lissa was trying to stop her but she was not having it. "I am sick and tired of you. You are a worthless being. An alcoholic, and a drug addict. You ruined my little girl. Go home you little slut and take that useless man with you." This woman had always been nice to me, I considered her a second mother. I looked for her approval as well, and this was killing me.

I was now in tears. Rhea, Lissa's mother, had always been so nice to me. So understanding. Right now she was making my worse nightmares come through. She did not see the change, she thought I was a no one, a nothing. I grabbed Dimitri's hand and we walked away. He tried to pull me back but I was not having it. I could not go back, not now. I never once looked back, even when Christian and Lissa were calling me back. I needed to get out of here. I needed to get home and cry my eyes out. This is what made being sober hard. People still judged, no one believed I had changed. I had ruined my reputation and I feared I would never be able to fix it. Dimitri finally saw this and ushered me faster outside. He was one of the only people to understand me and understand what I needed. We got to the car and Dimitri opened the door for me without a word. He got in the drivers seat and headed home. I felt the silent hot tears on my face and once again felt like a failure. No matter how hard I tried nothing seemed to change, people looked at me the same, and thought I was the same. I had clearly ruined my reputation beyond repair. And nothing I did would make it better.

The urge to leave the house after Dimitri fell asleep was seeping into me. I knew he slept deeply and the corner store sold booze 24/7. I could get my fix and he would never know. I would fix the pain in my head, and not have to think about life for a while. This was the hard part about being sober, I had no escape for times like these, I had to face everything, without the help of being numb. The feelings I normally loved were turning against me. I wanted to be numb, I longed for the time that I did not worry what people thought, what people said. I may have been killing myself but I lived life in ignorance. At least then the pain was bearable. Now I was forced to handle things head first, and sometimes, especially times like these I did not know what to do. Dimitri reached over and took my hand. It was a small gesture but when I looked at him I knew he was going through the very same war.

He had told me once that the war in his head was a daily one. He thought about the drugs and alcohol more than he wanted to. He knew what it was like to think it would just be easier to give in. But he had not, he did drink, but he had gained control. He knew when to stop, when to say no, and when to not take it at all. I was still learning. But he always told me once an addict always an addict. I knew we both battled daily, and every day we did not give in, was another winning battle. The war may never seem to end, but he told me one day it would, and I would not even think about those things. I saw Dimitri smile and noticed he had parked the car. At my favorite ice cream place. He knew I wanted a drink, and he was doing something for me so I would not give in. It was times like these that I knew I had made the right choice. No drug or alcohol was worth losing Dimitri. I needed him like he needed me. He was my other half.

We made our way to the flat afterwards and I suddenly craved Dimitri. Before he had fully parked the car I attacked his lips, he wasted no time in unbuckling me and pulling me onto his lap. We had yet to go all the way, Dimitri insisted that we needed to wait, especially since I was a virgin. He wanted it to be right, and he claimed something about being older. Whatever that meant. But I had waited enough. I knew referring to him as a drug was wrong, but that was what he was to me. I craved more and more of him and never seemed to get enough. I wrapped my arms tighter around his neck and ground my hips into his. He let out a low growl and gripped my hips tighter. I vaguely remember the car door opening and Dimitri taking us into the flat.

I was soon laying down on the bed Dimitri hoovering over me. I found myself lost in those chocolate brown eyes, eyes that now I could never picture being without. I had learned a lot of things about Dimitri and the main one was that Dimitri loved with all his heart. When he cared about something he fought tooth and nail for it. It is what he had done for me, what he continued to do. He gave me everything, and I could only hope I could return the same to him. Looking at him now I could read every emotion, he was opening up to me, letting me know what his soul held. And it was moments like these that I knew I wanted him, in every physical way. I wanted to give him everything of me, I wanted him to know I was his and only his.

"Roza." He barely whispered the words, but I heard him. I always heard him. He leaned down and kissed my neck softly. He slowly worked his way to my earlobe and kissed it softly. "I love you." His words sending a breath into my ear and causing an intense shiver to engulf my body. He pulled away to study me. And he must have liked what he saw because a smirk crossed his lips. "Do you want me?"

I was caught off by his playful sexual gesture. Dimitri tried to keep that out of our foreplay, claiming he did not want to add more fuel to the fire. But looking at him I knew why. Dimitri wanted me, just like I wanted him. He loved me and wanted to wait, but he was only a man in the end. He had urges and needs too, and this forbidden fruit underneath him was becoming too much. After gaining so much control, I had become his one weakness. A weakness I was willing to use right now, because just like he wanted me I wanted him. I pulled him down to me and kissed his lips softly, I kissed down his jaw and left small kisses up to his temple, I pulled him even closer and brought my lips so they would hover over his ear.

"I need you Dimitri." I sucked in a breath and got the pleasure of watching him shiver now. "I love you Dimitri, I'm all yours, take me." Those words were his undoing and soon his lips were crashing again on mine.

He seemed to be touching me everywhere at once. It was like he was trying to discover everything about my body. He touched and squeezed and kissed everywhere he could. I was lost in pure bliss, and almost did not notice when he took my shirt off. Soon his lips attached themselves to my stomach, my cleavage, and my neck. His hands wondered touching every piece of exposed flesh. His touch was amazing, a drug, a fix I needed more than anything. No matter how much he touched me I needed more. I craved more. I found his shirt and got rid of his too. If he was going to touch me, I needed to be touching him too. His perfect chest, his chiseled arms, his... his... his... Oh dear god I could no longer think.

We had ended up nearly naked before, but it had never been like this. His touch alone was bringing me close to orgasm, and I had no idea how he was doing it. This time it was different, every touch held meaning, every touch deliberate. I could not help the moans escaping my mouth. I needed this man, and by god I needed him now. I reached for his zipper and grew frustrated when I could not get it open. I expected him to laugh at me but instead he helped me. That was when I noticed the look in his eyes, his need for me mirrored my need for him. At the moment we were saving each other. After what felt like years his pants came off and so did mine.

He looked at me like he had never seen me before, in awe, in worship, and I loved it. It made my skin grow warm, my insides turn. I took the chance to look at him as well. Take in every detail and commit it to memory. I knew this was going to be my first time and I wanted to make sure I remembered everything. It was times like these that I knew why I was sober. I was suppose to enjoy this, see this clearly. I was glad I had never done this before with anyone else. Any other time it would have been wrong. As cliché as it may sound, my first time was suppose to be special, be with someone I loved. I was so happy that my messed up self had never ruined this for me.

Dimitri came back to me, out of his trance, and kissed me like never before. This was new, wonderful, blissful. It was like kissing for the first time, touching the softest silk, learning what love truly meant. I knew with every fiber in me that he was the one, the only one I would ever want to be with. As the kiss deepened and the touching became frantic I knew this, my first time, would be amazing. Dimitri barely had to do anything to send me over the edge normally, and tonight was no different. He reached behind me and unclasped my bra. Again pulling back to look at me, study me. This is where things were new. We had never seen each other naked. And by the look on his face he liked what he saw. He reached down and pulled my underwear off and this time pulled back, kneeling at the edge of the bed. I thought I would be shy, nervous, or embarrassed. But his look made me feel confident. Certain that this was right.

"By the gods Roza you are beautiful. An exotic creature, sent to make me bow down before you." His words worked me to the core. He didn't even have to touch me for me to go into a frenzy.

"Dimitri come worship me closer." Thats all it took and his lips were back on mine. This time there was no turning back, nothing to hold us back. It was just us and our love. A love that I knew nothing would break.

Oddly enough I had never really given sex much thought. I thought people only did it for some sick pleasure. I never wanted anyone to ever get that close to me. Sex was just sex, something I would never really want. I had thought it to mean nothing. So much so, that even when I was asking Dimitri for it and he said no it never bothered me. I had craved him differently though. I had never wanted to be this close to someone, until he came along. After many heated make outs, I feft tingles in places I never knew were possible. That was when I knew that maybe sex wasn't what I thought it was before. And now, now doing it with Dimitri I knew I had been wrong, so fucking wrong.

Having sex with Dimitri was as wonderful as all the corny love novel described. I saw stars, the planets aligned. For fucks sake fireworks exploded. I never in my life thought I could be so full of love for just one person. The connection we had was more than just physical, it was emotional, in the soul. It was like we had truly become one. And it was at that moment that I knew everything I had been missing. I laughed at my old self, wanting to find her and slap her. Love, sex, happiness it was all new to me, and I wanted more of it. I would never grow old of this new life, of these feelings. Sex, was more than just sex to me. What Dimitri and I had done was make love. What we did was amazing, exquisite, and I knew it would change my life forever. I had a new addiction, and it was one I could live with, I needed Dimitri now and forever and I would never be able to get enough.

"Did..." I wanted to ask him and see if it had felt the same for him but I was scared. I was afraid, it had not been as monumental for him. I tried to look away ashamed but he was not going to have that happen. He pulled my chin up to look at him and smiled.

"You can ask me anything Roza. I love you." He pecked my lips, and I knew he was right, even if he had not felt the same thing he would never judge me.

"Did it feel the same way for you?" I stared deep into his eyes. "Did planets align, stars explode, did you.. Did you just feel overwhelmed with love?" I knew I sounded corny, but I had to know, I almost needed him to say yes. He looked at me with his eyes full of love, he did not find it corny, or funny. He was taking my question seriously and it made me love him even more.

"That and so much more my love. I have never, and I mean never felt like this before. Its simply indescribable." I kissed him passionately, I hoped it showed how happy I really was.

I had not noticed I had fallen asleep, until I was woken up by soft kisses against my left shoulder. I moaned softly at the feeling and he never stopped the kisses. I do not think he wanted to stop either. His arm tightened around my waist and he spun me so I was facing him, breaking the spooning position we had ended up sleeping in. I got lost in his eyes as always, but I saw something there, something that I had not seen before. Dimitri was nervous, maybe even possibly scared, it was weird to me to see those emotions on him, he was always so sure of everything. I eyed him worriedly but he just chuckled at me. He clearly did not find my worrisome mood necessary. I lightly pushed him away but he held onto me tighter.

"Oh come on you either need to tell me what is on your mind, or let me shower, I smell like you." A smile graced his face and I tried to move away again.

"I like you smelling like me. It means you are mine. Maybe we should leave it like this so everyone knows you are MINE." He sounded possessive of me but not in a bad way. He knew I was his, and would always be his. But like me he needed to be assured every once in a while.

"I don't need to be marked to be yours my love, you have me. Forever." I kissed his lips softly and we both moaned into the kiss. His lips were holding a secret from me though. I knew it, but I was not going to push it any further. He would tell me when he wanted to, I trusted him, I had nothing to worry about.

"You mean that, forever?" Once again I saw that spark in his eyes, he really wanted to know, he needed me to tell him in order for him to tell me what was hidden in the depth of those eyes.

"Dimitri never doubt. You are the one. The only one for me. I know it with everything I am." And I meant it, I knew he was what I had been waiting for my whole life. I knew he was the one. The one that people spend a lifetime looking for. He looked me in the eyes and everything changed, the love in them made me hold my breath. I was taken back by what I saw, and I knew then that everything was always going to be alright. I knew he would be there for me just like I would be there for me. His lips parted and a real genuine smile came on his lips. The kind that takes your breath away, the kind of smile that stops traffic.

"Marry me." Simple. Loving. Perfect.

"Yes." He was my soulmate, my lover, my other half.

_**OK so what do you think? I honestly think I can write more to this... I have fallen in love with my own story as corny as that sounds! Once again I ask to review... Also about the lemon I wrote, I got one person to tell me they want it... Does anyone else... I'm so proud of it... And am not ashamed I wrote it... I swear its good... Haha anyways what do you think?**_


	4. Chapter 4

I cannot take this shit anymore. I have had enough and I need to get this fixed and now. Dimitri left a week ago to visit his family. He wanted me to come but I insisted that when he went at Christmas time I would. In reality I was just scared to meet them. I was afraid that they would not approve of me, that they would want something better for Dimitri. I also believed he deserved better. I looked at my hands and sighed. The ring on my left hand was telling me otherwise. He put it there because he wanted me. But why was I feeling this way? Why did I feel so lost and confused? And why was I sitting on my couch with a bottle of vodka ready to take a swig?

It had only been a week and I felt like everything had gone wrong that could go wrong. My boss had laid me off, stating that they just could not have me around because they weren't getting as many patients. Lissa and I had an argument about Rhea, Lissa's mother. Liss was trying to convince me that it did not matter and that she wanted me in her wedding but I wasn't buying it. I would ruin her relationship with her mother if I stayed in the wedding party. And Dimitri had not called in 3 days. He sent an email saying his cell broke and that he was going to buy one today. But that had been enough to send me over the edge.

I brought the bottle to my lips and took a long swig. The harsh liquid instantly calming me. I had missed this. I needed this. As I took many more sips I started to cry. Fuck. I had messed up. I had failed. Dimitri for certain would leave me now. My sadness only made me drink more. I was about half way done the bottle when my phone rang. I froze in fear. My tears turned into sobs. What had I done? I thought I was so much stronger than this. What had I been thinking, things were not that bad. I could get another job, hell I did not even need to work, my father had given me enough money to last me a lifetime. I only worked to be normal, to feel accomplished. And Lissa I knew I should just be her maid of honor. I just had to talk to Rhea to make it better.

The phone stopped ringing and I relaxed slightly. Dimitri never had to find out about this. I was going to make it better, I would not be this weak again. I paused and thought this through again. I had to tell him, he trusted me. We had promised to talk about everything with each other. The phone rang again and I took another swig. To say I was scared was an understatement. But I knew if I did not answer, he would just keep calling. And he would grow worried. So I mustered up some courage and grabbed the phone. I could not answer it though. I was so ashamed. It stopped ringing again, and this time he left a voicemail. Before I could listen to it my phone rang again.

"Hhh..ello." Shit I knew it was slurred he was going to know.

"Roza?" His voice was etched with worry. I started sobbing as soon as I heard his voice. I had failed him.

"I'm.. I'm so sorry Dimitri. I diddddn't mean to." I know the apology was pathetic. I had not even tried that hard. I gave in to temptation because I could not handle a normal human problem. I gave in because I was scared I was doing it alone.

"Oh god Roza baby. Please tell me you didn't?" Dimitri was mad. I could tell and this made me cry even harder. "Rose we talked about this. Shit. This is all my fault isn't? I knew I shouldn't have left. God fuck. Rose." He sounded off, upset, angry. And I was the one to blame.

"Im sorry. I'm sorry." It was all I could say, I really was sorry but it was not going to help. I had messed up. I had given up almost a year being sober for what? For nothing it was not even worth it.

"Rose listen to me. It's going to be ok. I'm sorry I did not mean to swear. I'm booking a flight home now. I'm not leaving you another week." I could hear him typing fast on the computer. "Hold on Rose, ok don't hang up." I heard him shuffle some and I thought I heard him call out to his sister Viktoria. He said rapid Russian, and she answered back just as quickly,

"Ok Roza baby, I'm back. I'm, I'm going to call your father." He was on a mission, I usually loved his assertive tone, but my father was not what I wanted.

"No... No please he will be so disappointed." I cried even harder and reached for the bottle.

"Rose I can tell you just grabbed the bottle again, let it go. I'll call you right back. Please pick up when I do." He hung up and I knew he was calling my father regardless.

Weak, god I fucking felt so weak. What had I done. I faintly heard the phone ringing again. But I felt lost to the world. I was a failure, a nothing a no body. How could I do this? I had been doing so well. I couldn't even remember the last time I thought about a drink. The need for one only came when Dimitri left. I know it wasn't an excuse, but having sex with him made it better. I could take out my frustrations. I could get lost in his body and not have to worry. And now, now I was certain he would never come back to me. Why should he? I was worthless, he was better than this. I grabbed the bottle and almost had it my lips when something stopped me or should I say someone.

"Kiz. It's ok now." My father throw the bottle aside and pulled me into his arms. "Come on lets get you showered and to bed." He helped me up and carried me to the bathroom. "Janine I need your help." Oh god he brought mom with him. This just made it all worse. I started crying again.

"Hold on. I'm calling Dimitri to tell him we got her and she is ok. The poor boy is worried out of his mind." My mother seemed so calm, so in control. Ever since I went to rehab they both had changed so much. We had sunday dinners together, we even started talking. And now they had to see me fall apart again. Only this time they were not leaving my side. I was happy, but sad that I had not only failed Dimitri but them too.

My mother soon came back and started stripping off my clothes, her eyes widened when she saw my wrists. Oh yea did I mention before I drank I cut myself, trying to stop the thoughts of drinking. I had really let myself go this time.

"It's OK baby girl. No one here is judging." My mother smoothed back my hair and pulled me towards her. "I love you Rosemarie. It's OK. Dimitri will be here soon and your father and I are not leaving your side." Her words comforted me and I let her put me in the shower without protests.

The rest of my night was a slight blur. I remember waking up a lot and crying, but one of my parents would be there for me. They would hold me until I fell asleep and again when I woke up they would repeat the process. I found myself dreaming of Dimitri, of him leaving me. Being so upset in me that he would yell and scream and when I tried to talk he would just disappear. I was jolted awake, this time sunshine came through the blinds, and I felt like I had slept forever. I was about to stand up when I noticed two strong arms were holding me in place. I had to hold back the sobs when I noticed it was Dimitri. All I could do was wish that all of that bad never happened. I had been such a failure.

"I love you Roza." He murmured this in my ear and I shivered. With those few words he was telling me everything was going to be ok. That he forgave me, and I had nothing to worry about. That did not mean I was not going to apologize.

"Oh Dimitri. God I'm so sorry. So fucking weak." He pulled me towards him and hid is head between my shoulder and neck

"Shh my love it's ok. It over now and you have learned from it. You had a weakness it happens. It happened to me too. Except I did not hold out as long as you." He pulled away and looked me in the eyes. "I went to rehab 4 years ago and since then I have lasped 3 times. I know what it's like. It's not easy. And you need to understand that you are doing so well my love. You're so strong, so unbelievably wonderful you have no idea." I don't know what my face showed but he chuckled at it. "I'm not leaving, it will take a lot more than that to get rid of me. I'm here for the long run."

And with that the topic was let go. I knew now that I was only human, yes I had failed, but not completely I had a new determination to stay clean to stay sober. And having Dimitri understand made that easier. He knew what I was going through, what I would go through, and that helped so much. I knew he had gone through it all, and it made being able to talk to him about it easier. I could turn to him just like he could turn to me. I brought my lips to his and he reacted immediately. I let myself get lost in his kiss, in his arms, in his scent.

He had only been gone a week but it felt like an eternity. My hands found the hem of his shirt and I quickly pulled it off. I wanted to feel him, no I needed to feel him. I wanted him and everything he had to offer me. As I touched his bare chest he groan, his need for me growing quickly. He pulled off my shirt and started kissing my collarbone. I moaned softly and he froze. He pulled away and I clawed for him, what the hell was he doing? Did he now want me.

"Roza, your parents are down the hall in the guest bedroom." Oh ha so he was trying to be modest. I leaned in closer getting my mouth as close to his ear as possible.

"I promise I'll stay quiet." That was all it took his mouth attached itself once again to my collarbone and his hands wondered down to my pajama bottoms in one motion he took them off along with my underwear.

"God Roza I missed you so much." He took off the sports bra my mother had put on my and cupped my breast. Pinching and tugging just the right way.

It took a lot of effort to not be loud. He made me feel so good, so alive. Being with him was like nothing else existed except him and I. And I knew he felt the same way. We had talked about it, we needed each other like my lungs needed oxygen. I soon became tired of being the only naked one but Dimitri was not going to let me undress him, at least not yet. He worked his mouth down my body and I let out a low moan. God a week after we first had sex Dimitir had showed me the art of pleasing each other orally, and needless to say I had loved it. Having him wanting to do this to me made this all that better. When he reached my core, I shivered. I also could no longer hold back. I knew my parents were now long forgotten and it was now just him and I.

As soon as I reached climax he worked his way up while ridding himself of the rest of his clothes. The moment he entered me I truly knew everything was going to be fine. He would be there for me no matter what. He understood I slipped but he would be there to catch me to guide me back to safety. I let myself get lost in the feel of him inside of me. Of him making me feel like I was floating on a cloud. I knew he was experiencing the same thing when I looked into his eyes. This was heaven this was what we stayed sober for. I had lasped this time, but next time I would be stronger. With one last thrust we both came and he laid limp on top of me. A knock on the door startled me and Dimitri grew stiff.

"Hey Kiz, and Ummm Dimitri. We made you breakfast." I stared at the door in fright. I thought he walked away and finally let out a breath. "I know you're awake I heard you two in there. Now hurry up." My face blushed and I knew I was never going to live this down. I was lucky that although my parents did give Dimitri many threats they liked him very much. They respected him and actually thought he was good for me, just like I was good for him.

We slowly made our way out of bed and got dressed. Right before I opened the door Dimitri pulled me into a kiss, a kiss that told me just how much he loved me. We did not need to say it out loud we merely had to look at each other and it would be understood. My drinking had been forgiven but not forgotten we would have to talk about it later but for now he knew I needed to be assured, to just have a normal day. I smiled and held this kiss a bit longer and then pulled away. When I got downstairs my parents had a feast waiting for us.

"Thought you would be hungry baby girl. And you too Dimitri, you got in last night and did not eat a thing. Rose you really need to feed him more he's looking thin." My mother teased. Dimtri was far from thin, and he ate like a pig, well a very mannered pig. I swear he used a knife and fork to eat his pizza. Something I had yet to understand why.

"Thanks mom. Baba as always you guys are being rather wonderful." I sat down and served myself a heaping plate. I knew I was hungry but it hit me then just how much I was. It made me wonder how long I had been asleep. "What day is it?"

"It's Sunday love." Dimitri answered after he swallowed his bite.

"Shit I slept for almost 2 days." I looked down ashamed. I never thought drinking would make me do that. I use to drink on a daily basis.

"You're body is no longer use to that." Dimitri answered but his voice held no emotion. I knew what he meant though. I had not drank in so long that my body did not know what to do with the alcohol. It was then that I understood why he had been so worried. Many alcoholics died when they lapsed. The body would not be able to metabolize the alcohol like it use to and they would overdose. That could have happened to me. I did drink almost a full bottle. I looked down ashamed.

"Kiz, we all understand. And we are all here for you. Your mother, myself, and this wonderful man who will soon be your husband. Mistakes happen. You just learn from them, grow from them," I looked up at my father and knew he was right. I would not dwell on this, I would do just that grow and learn Next time before I gave in I would put up a better fight. Before I could answer my mother stopped me.

"So seeing as you two have already had a reunion this morning." She looked up getting the reaction she wanted both Dimitri and I blushing and avoiding her eyes. "Ha, as I was say. I thought we could go shopping Rose. Rhea and Lissa wanted to join us. They have something to tell you."

I tensed at this. Things with Rhea had not ended well five months ago. I had not heard from or seen her since the engagement party. Lissa was constantly calling, as was Christian but I had been avoiding them the last month. Their wedding was in two months and they desperately wanted me to there with Dimitri. But all I could remember was the words Rhea had said to me, how much they had hurt me. Lissa had apologized so much, but it did not make me feel better. I knew Liss had seen my change I just wanted Rhea to. And now since I had lapsed I needed it even more. I was going to need all the support I could get.

"Ok. What time?" It was hard for me to agree, I wanted nothing more than to go and hide but I could not do that forever. You only got one life and fuck I was going to live mine to the fullest. Plus I really did need to clear up things with Rhea and Lissa. My father asked Dimitri to watch a football game on the TV with him, so I would not feel like I was leaving him alone. He had after all left his trip early for me. But the look in his eyes had told me to go on this little shopping trip. I could not help but wonder if he knew something I did not.

An hour later my mother was driving me downtown to her favorite street. It was filled with high end boutiques, and I had to admit I liked them. A lot of the places sold vintage clothing, and I had fallen in love with them, when Dimitri told me I needed a hobby. I would find old dresses and fix them up. Making my own sense of style that was unique and all me. I had my mind set on one place specifically, the lady had told me two weeks ago that she would be getting new clothing in and I had been dying to come look at them. My mother pulled the car into the parking garage and we got out. As we walked closer to where we were meeting them my palms started sweating. My mother say my nervousness and caught one of my hands in hers and squeezed it tightly.

As we rounded the corner it was not hard to spot the two. They both had long shiny blond hair, piercing green jade eyes and both were dressed in the lastest and greatest fashions. They looked like runway models. I suddenly felt dull in my little vintage dress. I had worn my hair down, and had to put on some make up to hide my dark circles under my eyes. It had been a tough last week and a half or so. I just hoped it did not show too much. Lissa spotted me first and a huge genuieing smile graced her lips. She shot out from beside her mother and soon had me engulfed in a tight hug.

"Geez Rose I've missed you so much. I'm so glad you came out." She pulled back and studied me frowning slightly at what she found. No doubt she saw the dark circles and the haunting look in my eyes. But she did not comment on it.

Soon the four of us found ourselves in a Chanel boutique and everyone was in a shopping frenzy but me. I looked around slowly. I could not help but remember how I use to be. I would run into these stores and buy everything and anything I liked not caring about the price. Daddy would pay for it no matter what. No none of it seemed to appeal to me. Materials, thats all this was. A year later I knew that things like these did not matter. Feelings, emotions and living life did. But even though I thought this, fashion and clothes still intrigued me. But in a different way. I looked for the most unique pieces, the things no one else would really go for. I liked being different, I no longer wanted to fit in. I was startled when a shirt was placed in front of my face.

"Rosemarie this would look amazing on you." I was surprised by who it was Rhea stood in front of me smiling. "I think red is really your color. Especially since your tan is so glowing." She grabbed my hand and tugged me along to the dressing room that I noticed Lissa was going in and out of. She handed me the shirt and I walked in.

I put on the shirt, and she had been right. It did look great on me. In the last year I had gained weight. And it looked good on me. I looked curvy and healthy. And this shirt clung to my breast and torso. It was a shiny material and it brought attention to my tan complexsion. I walked out and the three woman with me stared in awe. I really did like what I saw, it made me happy to see them looking at me, in a new light.

"Please Michelle, we are getting Miss Rose that shirt. It was made for her." Rhea stated quickly and the young girl just nodded and went back to her counter. Rhea walked over to me and had a sad smile on her face.

"Rose I want to apologize about the last time we met. It was uncalled for, I should have seen the changes, they were clear then and they are clear now." She hugged me and pulled away. "Please forgive me, that was not me. I am ashamed to say I did and said those things to you. You needed support, and I did not give that to you." I looked down scared now. She would be so upset about my lapse.

"Don't be so quick to not judge. I lapsed a few days ago." Tears welled in my eyes, but Rhea lifted my chin so I could look at her.

"It happens dear. Just know I am here for you as well. You are trying and working so hard and that is all that counts. I am proud of you. And I really really would love to see you at Valissa's wedding. You mean the world to her, and to me." Rhea was not lying her eyes held honesty. She also was not one to lie.

"Thank you. And I would be honored." I hugged her back and noticed Lissa standing there tears falling down her cheeks. She had been wanting this so badly. She knew Rhea cared for me, she just was angry and with reason. I had been a mess up, an addict. She just needed time to see I had truly changed.

"Come on after this we are going to the dress shop. We need to get you a bridesmaid dress. And a great one at that the maid of honors dress has to be different. And I have the perfect one picked for you."

We soon found ourselves in a fancy dress shop, if I looked correctly Vera Wang. Where Lissa had no doubt gotten her dress. Actually I was more than certain that Miss Wang had custom made a dress just for her. I knew this wedding was going to be over the top. I smiled at how different Lissa and I were. The few plans Dimitri and I had made were so simple. We cared not about dresses and flowers, we just wanted to be married. It was all that mattered. I knew Lissa wanted that too, but she was a girly person. She had dreamed up her wedding since she was five. It was not meant to be rubbed in peoples faces, no it was just meant to make her happy, make her feel like a princess. Looking at her as she looked around the shop thats exactly what I say. A gorgeous princess.

I was worried though because I had to tell her what had happened. She needed to know I drank, and had to restart counting my sober days. She like Dimitri had been so proud of me, so supportive and failing her and him was the hardest thing I could do. Dimitri forgave me, but would she be able to? I mean Rhea understood, but would Lissa be mad that I did not go to her for help? I could have called her and she would have been at my doorstep in no time at all. Hell I could have called Christian and he would have as well. I cursed at myself for being so weak. Just cause Dimitri was not there I was not alone. I had them and my parents. My parents that had to walk in on my falling apart. I knew they feared losing me, and I had broken their hearts again.

"You shouldn't frown. It leaves wrinkles." Lissa was standing next to me a worried look on her face. "You can talk to me you know."

"I know Liss. I just... I..." I sighed. I had to tell her. "I drank again." Her eyebrows shot up and anger crossed her feature all too quickly it was replaced with fear, sadness, and understanding.

"Oh Rose. Hunny why didn't you call me?" She hugged me and patted my back. "I know the feeling I won't lie all this damn wedding planning has be so stressed. All I want is a damn drink. I know its hard. Christian took a bottle from me the other day." I pulled back shocked. I really should have turned to her. She understood. Here I had one other person who went through the same thing and I did not go to them. "Just promise me next time when Dimitri is not around that you will come to me. We can hang out, do anything you want. Even sit in silence."

"I promise Liss. I'm sorry I'll be strong next time." She hugged me again. And soon had me trying on the dress. The dress like anything else the Dragomirs picked was amazing. I was not a huge fan of pale pink, but the dress looked awesome on me. A one shoulder flowing dress that stopped at my knees, paired with silver, diamond studded heels. I felt like a princess in it, and could not stop saying how much I loved it.

Before I knew it lunch came around and we ate at my favorite place. A small seafood diner, a hole in the wall dive that Rhea was amazed with. She would have never thought to go in there. And thanked me for showing it to her. We spent the rest of the time shopping even more. Soon I found myself wanting a few things and my mother as always handed me over the credit card. I argued with her saying I would use my own money and she simply told me if I did that there would be no reason for her to work. She wanted to spoil me. And at that moment I wanted to be too. Soon six o'clock rolled around and my mother was driving me back.

"Can we stop for chinese. I want to bring Dimitri something back. I hope he will like these shirts." I had bought him some button ups. I loved the way he looked in them. My mother also insisted since he was getting new shirts he should get new pants too. I knew he would say it was unnecessary but I liked getting him things. In reality it was for me, I got to look at him in them.

As we pulled up to my flat my mother told me she was heading home. My father walked out a huge smile on his face. Hugged me good bye and they left rather quickly. I was a little put off, thinking they were up to something but let it go. I struggled to get the door open, but soon enough Dimitri opened it from the inside and grabbed most of my bags.

"Yea I know, mom went a little overboard." And she had, I swear she bought me everything I touched. Even when I said I did not want it.

Dimitri ushered me inside and rushed me into the room. I would have thought he wanted to go at it again, but his excitement was different, and he looked a but nervous as well. I let it pass and started to unpack but he stopped me. He simply shook his head and pulled me outside the room. He was definitely up to something. And I might have had something to do with that fact that my mother did not want to stop to let me pick up food. It was then that I noticed the smells in the flat. It was all the smells that would fill it when Dimitri would cook food from Russia. But it smelled like there was a lot more food than usual.

"I've got a surprise for you. And please don't be mad. It's all going to be fine. OK?" This worried me a bit. What was he doing. I mean we were already engaged. What else could he surprise me with? He further scared me when he covered up my eyes with his large hands. As soon as his hands uncovered my eyes I was faced with a room filled with familiar brown eyes. All female except for a little boy. Oh god Dimitri had brought his family back.


	5. Chapter 5

**_Once again thank you so much for the reviews and support! I am blown away by how much people like this story... I'm wow speechless. I know it's not what you want to hear but this story probably only has one more chapter left... It was after all intended to only be a one shot! Please enjoy this chapter!_**

Three months. Two days. Twenty three hours. That's how long I have been sober. I wish I could say it was more than that. I wish I had never had that lapse, but I wouldn't be human if I wasn't flawed. I feel stronger, more independent though, than I use to. And just like my new found determination, my love for Dimitri had grown as well. We finally sat down and talked about what happened, and after a lot of shed tears and broken promises we took a break. It was the longest three weeks of my life. But it was needed. I hated him at first, thinking he wanted nothing to do with me. I did not see he was trying to help me, trying to make me stronger, I see it now though. I am a new person, a better person. I still need my Dimitri but I now know I can survive with just me, I can be strong. It's something I never thought I could be alone. No that three week break had been hard, but necessary.

Dimitri had introduced me to his family though. They all became part of my support system, they are the most amazing people I have ever met. That first night I had been terrified, it had been for no reason though. The moment they spotted me I was swarmed and hugged more times than I could count. Olena, Dimitri's mother had declared herself my second mother, and his sisters the siblings I never had. Only Dimitri's grandmother Yeva stood back looking at me disapprovingly. It wasn't until recently that I knew why. Yeva knew I could be stronger, she sat down with me last week to tell me she loved the change in me, and now I could proudly call myself worthy of her grandson. She was happy we had found each other, she knew what Dimitri had gone through and thought we complimented each other well. That old lady drove me crazy, but I could see where she was coming from.

My friendship with Lissa had also grown. The days leading up to her wedding had made our connection expand. As I helped her put her veil on she looked at me like I was the sister she never had. She had even told me so. Her words touched me and I had to try my hardest to not cry, after all it was suppose to be a happy day. And happy it was. After the gorgeous ceremony, the reception followed. Everyone danced and laughed, and the stars twinkled above. Her wedding was straight out of a fairy tale, it was all her, and everything she deserved. Christian beamed every time he looked at his wife, and I was so happy that she found someone like him. As much as I thought I hated him, I knew I did not. He was a good man, a man that loved her, and had been there for me as well. I suppose you could say he was like my brother, though I would never admit it to him.

Lissa and Christian have, ever since the wedding, been trying to have a baby. It has not happened for them yet, but if they keep at it like rabbits I am sure it is going to happen and soon. Lissa wanted a large family, and Christian was more than willing to agree. Those two would make amazing parents, they will for certain have a family full of love and happiness. They wanted me to be a part of their childrens life, a few weeks ago they had sat me down to tell me that whenever it did happen they wanted Dimitri and I to be the god parents. I had cried and was so surprised they would give me such an honor. But again Lissa pointed out how much we had changed in the last year.

And all this leads me to where I am now. Sitting once again on the bathroom floor puking my brains out. I knew why, but I refused to admit it. I was terrified, scared, and whatever else you could think of. I was glad this happened after Dimitri left every day for work, he had yet to witness it, I am sure he would have figured it out if he had. After wiping my mouth, and some groaning I got up to brush my teeth. I was going to have to make a doctors appointment and get my answer. I knew what it was going to be, but I was hoping I just had a stomach bug or something. The thought of being pregnant was alarming, we had not even gotten married yet. Though the wedding was next month, I had hoped to be married for a few years before we decided to have children. I had no idea how this could happen, I took my pill everyday religiously. But I suppose fate had something else planned for me.

After calling my doctor and begging the damn Secretary to make me an appointment today I settled for trying to eat some damn cereal. It was the only thing I could stomach in the mornings, and it wasn't even the good kind. No I found myself only being able to eat cheerios and not the honey, or chocolate ones. Plopping myself down on the kitchen counter all I could do was think. I had no idea what I would do if I was actually pregnant. It had never been something I thought about until I met Dimitri. I had always thought I would die young and alone. But ever since he came into my life I craved the American dream. A nice house, white picket fence, hell I even wanted a dog. Dimitri would talk about kids running around, building a tree house with them, while I made some apple pie. He got slapped for that one, but he had found it rather humorous seeing as I could not cook for shit.

I laughed to myself, and suddenly being pregnant did not seem so scary. I mean Dimitri and I loved each other, we were getting married, having a baby would come sooner than planned but it did not mean anything was wrong. I caught myself rubbing my stomach and a smile crept onto my face. I got dress in a loose sun dress and set out to find my car. After climbing in, I flipped through the radio channels trying to find something to match my happy mood. It was amazing how I went from being sad and depressed this morning to being happy and hopeful. God maybe I was pregnant, and this was just the start of those scary as fuck mood swings. I already felt bad for everything Dimitri was going to have to deal with. I already had a hell of an attitude, I am sure pregnancy would make it even worse.

"Rose Hathaway." The receptionist eyed me warily, and motioned for me to sit and wait. I had to stop myself from hitting her. I knew she was thinking I was too young to be pregnant, and probably thought I had a one night stand or something.

It was hard to think that I was only 19 years old. It felt like I was so much older, I had matured so much in the last year. My whole life had changed and I could not be happier about it if I tried. I had accomplished so much in such a short amount of time. I was sober, drug free, engaged to the man of my dreams, and hopefully about to have his baby. The nurse soon called my name, and had me sit in a cold sterile room. I was trying so hard not to think of the negative things, I knew it was thoughts like those that could make me slip and mess up. I worked hard every day to see the positive in everything, though some days I felt it was not worth the effort. Days like these I would turn to my support system. I would go out with Lissa, call Olena and the girls, or simply go hang out with my father in his office. That reminded me, I was suppose to go in and work for him today. I wondered why he had not called me yet. I knew better though, my father never forced me to work, and if I wanted a day off he would give it to me no matter what.

"Well good afternoon MS. Hathaway, I'm Dr. Zelkos." She extended her hand out to me, and I shook it gingerly. "What can I do for you today?"

"I think I'm pregnant." No need to beat around the bush, I mean this situation clearly called for me to be straight forward. I just needed her to take my blood and tell me I was soon to be a mother.

"Well alright then, let me get the supplies and I will get this show on the road." As she started to collect the needle, gauze and band-aid, I let myself relax. There was nothing to worry about. I knew Dimitri would not leave me if anything he would want to go out and tell everyone his little men finally planted themselves in me. I laughed at the thought. I always made fun of Christian and Lissa for going at it, but Dimitri and I were no better. We found any excuse to go at it. And we had even grown daring and started doing it in public places. There was something about the possibility of being caught that was such a turn on.

"Ok ready?" The doctors question snapped me out of my thoughts, but did little to wash away the feeling that was coursing through my body. I really wanted Dimitri at that moment.

"As ready as I'll ever be." She took a tube of my blood and said she would return soon with the results. It amazed me how they could find out so quickly.

I laid back on the little bed and the paper crackled beneath me. I let myself get lost in thought again. It was something I had been doing a lot lately, and it was nothing like before, I actually enjoyed thinking. It was nice to know that it was only me in there, that drugs and alcohol were not dictating what I was thinking, or what I wanted to do. It gave me a sense of control, and it felt amazing. I had no idea why I had ever wanted to numb this feeling, emotions were so new to me still, but I craved them more than anything. Without these feeling and thoughts I would not be able to enjoy things like sex with Dimitri. Fuck. I needed to stop thinking about that. I rubbed my thighs together, but it did little to relieve me. God I really was a horny person. But it was hard not to be, Dimitri was just so fucking hot. The door opening once again made me stop thinking. This was it.

I left the office in a daze. I had no idea what to really think or feel. In all honesty I had no idea what I really had wanted her to say. Either way I had to go find Dimitri. I knew he was at the dojo, but he worked alone at this time, and it may even be possible that he had no clients at the moment. I once again climbed into the car and drove. Instead of going straight to the dojo though I drove around, I needed to clear my mind first. My emotions were all over the place, and I needed to have them in check or else Dimitri would be worried. I also still had that damn burning in between my legs. There had to be something wrong with me, no one could want sex this badly, especially after what I had just found out. As I pulled up to the dojo I was happy to see that no one was parked in front of it. Maybe luck was on my side today.

I walked through the door and the little bell rang, I knew it would be a matter of seconds before Dimitri showed his face to greet me. I took those few seconds to undo the first 3 buttons of my dress, one of the many reasons this dress was one of my favorites. I had also made sure to change into heels, ensuring my legs would look longer, seeing as I was wearing the little dress. Just as I was straightening out Dimitri came around the corner and stopped mid stride when he spotted me. He let out a strangled cough, and I knew he was all mine. It also looked like no one was here, even better.

"Hey love." My words took him out of his trance and he walked towards me engulfing me in a hug. He planted a small kiss on my lips, but that was not what I came here for, I deepened the kiss and he complied, well until he noticed we were still at his job.

"Rose. Later." Oh how wrong he was, I was going to have him and it was going to be now.

"Dimitri, come on, no one is here." He looked around, and I saw his guard drop.

"Fine but let me lock up. And we only have 30 minutes my next client comes in soon." Man he was such a sucker for me.

"30 minutes is more than enough time." I winked at him and started to walk to the room I knew they kept all the mats. I opened the door and smiled. "God this is perfect." He put his arms around my waist and inhaled my hair. "Why have we never done this before?"

"Roza, cause this is my job. But you are too damn irresistible in that dress." With that he turned me around and started to kiss me again.

Before I knew we had fallen to the ground, on top of an extra comfy mat. Who would have thought it would be so soft. I wrapped my legs around him, and he took the opportunity to touch every part of them. Before I knew it he was lifting my dress up and sliding down my small tiny thong. As soon as he saw what I was wearing he growled again. He stood up and took off his shirt, and quickly removed his pants. I tried to take my dress off but he shook his head no.

"The dress stays, I fucking love it." So I simply unbuttoned a few more buttons so he could see my breast and also know I had gone braless. "Fuck you're amazing." And with that he took me. Twenty three or so minutes later I was close to my edge, my second one today. His moves were frantic and I could tell he was so close. As it came to me I screamed and it was not what I was planning on screaming.

"I'm pregnant!" Dimitri thrust one more time to his release but then froze. He pulled back to look at me his eyes full of surprise. He swallowed loudly and licked his lips.

"What did you say?" His voice was flat, but maybe it was because he was in shock. I mean seriously why had my mind thought that it was the right time. I have no idea, but hey at least I told him, it was all out in the open.

"I'm pregnant." I repeated it again, though some of my confidence slipped away. What if he was mad? What if I just ruined everything we had worked so hard for? We never planned to have a baby this soon, he knew I took the pill. The longer he stayed silent, the more I panicked. I was about to say something when his lips crashed onto mine.

"I love you so much Roza." The smile that lit up his face was breathtaking, it was like I was staring at angel, my very own personal angel. "A baby?" He asked in awe.

"Yea a baby." He slid out of me and sat up pulling me with him. He placed his hand on my stomach and leaned down.

"My angel." He softly whispered to my belly, and I could not help but laugh. Dimitri always seemed to amaze me. He was the manliest of men, but he was so caring, so loving it was truly a blessing.

He did not want to get up but someone was knocking on the door, after dressing me, and making sure all my buttons were done he quickly dressed himself and ran out to open the door. He apologized to the woman and her child, but I could hear the happiness in his voice. I quickly got up and made sure to leave out of the back exit. I texted him to let him know I left and I made my way home. I wanted to tell my friends and family, but I knew we would have to wait. The doctor said I was maybe a month along, and that I had to be careful. She recommended me not telling people until the 12th week, that way they would know everything was going well. But it was hard to not want to, I knew my parents would be ecstatic. They teased Dimitri and I all the time about how we never kept our hands off of each other. And Lissa oh god she was definitely going to burst one of my ear drums when I told her.

Not only that the Belikov's were going to flip out. They had been wanting to move to the US to be closer to Dimitri and I and I knew this baby would be the last straw. I missed them too, Yeva had been the only one to stick around, stating that she needed to keep on eye on us. And the others could not stay seeing as they all had jobs to go back to. But little by little I knew they were talking with Abe on trying to come back and make the stay permanent. And if anyone could make it happen for them it was him. He had even offered Dimitri's sisters jobs at his company, ensuring they would have nothing to worry about. And this baby was going to seal the deal.

As I sat down I let myself think of my one and only other relationship before Dimitri. It had lasted a little over a year, but relationship was not what I would really call it. Mason and I dated, as in we went on dates and would make out, but we never actually talked to each other. He had been head over heels over me but I never felt the same way. I kept him at arms distance, and I did not care. He was into the partying and drugs as much as I was, if not even more. He was all about having fun and not thinking of the consequences. Between the two of us we made enough trouble to drive anyone crazy. He had wanted us to take it to the next step, and have sex, but I denied him and he was pissed.

Mason had cussed me out, and I broke up with him. As soon as the words left my lips he panicked. He begged me to forgive him, but I wasn't having it. I told him I had never liked him, and he would only ever be my friend. Though it was true, I still, to this day wish I had not said those words to him. He stormed out of Lissa's place and started drinking. He found a few of his buddies and they somehow ended up rave. They said he was doing a ton of drugs and the drinking did not stop. But that was not what got him in the end. He decided to drive his car home, in that truly messed up state. Not only that he called me. I begged him to pull over, I told him to stop, but he assured me he was fine. I knew better though. Even in my own drugged haze I knew he was in no condition to drive. But he would not listen.

To this day I can recall every sound every scream, every cry. Mason lost control of his car and drove off a banking. He flew into the woods and his car managed to hit about 3 trees before it stopped. I heard it all on the phone and went crazy. By the time the rescuers reached him his car had been in flames. Though they said it would have not mattered. Mason died on impact, and I had heard it all. I was 15 at the time, and I am sure his death did not help my downward spiral any. But there was one thing I had yet to do, I had never been to his grave. I had skipped the funeral, too broken and scared to go there. I knew his parents blamed me. He had loved me and I had broken his heart. Not only that I had introduced him to this destructive world. All these years and I had never truly come to terms with what happened. I put it on a back burner promising to get to it one of these days. And for some reason today seemed like the right day.

I could not keep going without visiting his grave. Without saying I was sorry. His death had fueled something bad in me, and now that I was able to let that evil go, I had to let Mason go too. I did not even know his death was still bothering me, that I still blamed myself. I knew I could not have done anything, he chose to drink and do drugs, and he made the decision to drive. As much as his parents said I was to blame for his addiction I was not. Mason did it all because he wanted to, he just did it with me, and that is were the fault landed. But I was no better than him, what happened to him could have easily happened to me. My only luck was that I always had a driver, my father had insisted. Mason's parents did not have that kind of money, and only hoped their son would be smart enough to not drive while under the influence.

I made my way to the bedroom closet and found a black dress. Slipping into it, I pulled my hair back, and once again made my way to the car. Just on cue the clouds covered the sun, and they started to darken. It would figure the day I wanted, no needed to do this would end in gloom. I pulled up to the gates and I felt a pang in my chest. I had told Dimitri about Mason, but he never pushed the issue. He knew how much it hurt, but he did tell me someday I would have to face it, because it was something from my past that was not resolved. I knew he was right, but I always wished it wasn't true. Reliving my past was not easy, and every time I did I felt the pull to lapse. To just give in and that it would all go away if I did.

I parked the car and slowly walked to his grave. Four years. It had been four years since he died but the pain was still there. He had been so young, so full of life, and our addiction had taken him away. It was sad to think that this all could have been avoided, if someone, anyone would have tried to stop us. But he had trusting parents, and mine paid me no mind. We were young and dumb. Thinking it was all part of being carefree, not thinking it would ruin our lives let alone kill us. In the year since I had met Dimitri I had learned so much. Life was so much more than a party and a good time. Life was about actually living your life, feeling and dreaming. Something poor Mason would never get a chance to know.

I finally approached his grave, and fell to my knees. Four years had been such a long time. But yet it felt like he had just died. All the memories came rushing to me. Our first kiss, his smile, that crazy red hair. We had been wild and young, and I had never taken any time to appreciate Mason for who he was. He was my partner in crime, my friend, and yet I felt like I knew nothing about him. My hazy memory was torn and broken just like I had been. I closed my eyes as they started to sting and a small sob left my lips.

"I miss you." It was all I could say, but I meant it. I missed him. I wish I had gotten to know him better, I wish I had actually given him a chance. Maybe we could have saved each other, but now was not the time to think about that. I knew imagining what if's helped no one. I had to keep living in the now, or I would never be able to go on. "I'm sorry." And I really was. I had been the last one to talk to him. The one to hear him die, but maybe if I had not been so messed up I could have done something to help him. Maybe not have been so mean when I told him those words. We could have talked and figured it all out.

I sat on his grave for what seemed like hours. I spilled my heart out, telling him everything that happened, everything I did. I told him about Dimitri and being saved, and lastly about the little baby now growing inside of me. It felt like a weight I did not know was there was being lifted off my shoulders. I held some blame in his death, but in the end Mason had made his own choice. He had been young and his mind was not in its rightful place. But there was nothing to do about it, but move on. The past could no longer hold me back. I had been doing a good enough job, but something always held me back. I now knew that saying good bye to Mason was it.

"It's not your fault." I felt rain drops fall, and I spun around startled by who would be here right now. I froze when I saw who it was. Mason's mother, sadly smiling at me. She sat down next to me and pulled me to her. "I am so sorry for blaming you. It was not your fault, if anything I should have been a better mother. But you dear have done so well for yourself. I did not mean to ease drop but I had to hear what you would say." I looked up at her and saw her face stained with tears. She had heard it all, and did not blame me. I hugged her again and let my own tears start up again.

"Thank you." I had not even known I wanted her to forgive me, and she had done even better. She had told me it was not my fault. It was hard to believe but at the same time, I knew it wasn't. I never made Mason do anything, yes I should have stopped him, but it was hard when I could not even stop myself.

Mason's mother helped me to my car, hugging me and congratulating me on all my success. I made my way home feeling so much better. I could now move on with my life, my past was not going to trap me any further. The smile returned to my face, and one hand drifted to my belly. I had a lot to live for now. I would never make the stupid mistakes again. Life was worth living, I had to take all the bad in order to get the good. It was how life was balanced out. I pulled up seeing Dimitri's car already home,I had been at Mason's grave longer than I had planned. As I opened the door Dimitri ran out, worry etched on his face. It all melted away the moment his eyes landed on me. He could tell I was fine, it was almost like he knew what had happened. I felt light and free and launched myself at him laughing. He was caught off guard for all but 2 seconds, and soon jumped me.

"Dance with me." I suddenly felt like being free and light and just dancing in the rain. He looked at me weirdly and started to pull me inside. "No love in the rain, I want to dance in the rain." His eyes widened and he eyed me with some concern. "Please." And that did it.

Dimitri twirled me around, rocking me to the beat of the falling rain. We did a sort of waltz in the parking lot. It was perfection. He smiled down at me, and the rain soaked his hair, making it stick to the side of his face making him even more sexy if possible. His lips called to me, and I pulled him down, needing to kiss him. Needing him to know just how much I loved him. When he pulled away he kneeled down in front of me and kissed my flat stomach. Slowly getting up and never losing eyes contact he started to pull me inside. Once inside he ushered me to the shower turning on the hot water.

"I love you." I could not help but make sure he knew.

"As I love you." And with that I lost myself in the wonder of Dimitri again. In the man that saved me, and continued to save me. The man I was marrying and the father of my child. Life had given me a second chance, and I was going to make sure to get it right.

**_So what do you think? A baby? And her past coming forth? I was not happy with this chapter at first but now... I think I it was my favorite... Review please and let me know if you want that last chapter! Please?_**


	6. Chapter 6

_**As sad as I am to have this story come to an end, I must say I am very proud of it. I poured a lot in this story... Thank you all for the support! You guys rock! Enjoy... **_

Five years can feel like forever, or it can go by way too quickly. I cannot decide what these last five years have been for me. Though I can decide they have been amazing. Looking back I cannot even believe that girl use to be me. Partying, drinking, doing drugs, I know I am suppose to look back and learn from my mistakes but I cannot help but look back in disgust. I had so much going for me and I instead picked the path of destruction. As much as I wish none of that had not happened, I know better. Life threw all that at me so I could be where I am today. I can truly say going through all that did make me a better person. I can appreciate everything I have, and know how lucky I am to be who I am today. That girl I was six years ago is no more, but that does not mean I have not learned from her. And I have one person to thank for me being so well off today. If it had not been for him I would more than likely be dead, if not dead somewhere drugged up, and probably close to death.

Dimitri Belikov came into my life like a tornado, suddenly and out of no where. He turned my life upside down and I could not be more grateful for it. He caught me at my worse but never left my side. We went through hell and back, and yet always when I looked next to me he was there. He was the reason I finally went to rehab and took it seriously. I had gone before more times than I could count but never really cared for the actual program. That was until Dimitri convinced me I was better than that low life, when Dimitri gave me a reason to fight. A reason to be better. Dimitri wanted to be with me, but he wanted me to do better with myself. He saw what no one else, and definitely not myself, was there. He always told me I was better than that life and I never believed him, until 5 years ago when I first held our little bundle of joy. But we will get to that later.

Our wedding was amazing. It was just like I had stated before nothing big. Dimitri and I only wanted a small wedding, filled with those who truly cared for us. And that is what we did. We had no more than 30 people there, it was held outside in Russia in Dimitri's mother's garden. I know I had said it was going to be in the states, but last minute it just seemed like the right thing to do. I had never been out of the country and I needed to see where Dimitri was from before we got married. I knew going there would make knowing him easier, better. I was right. We spent the weeks before the wedding traveling through Russia. Dimitri pointing out all his favorite places, and eating Russian food at all his favorite restaurants. After we were married at the small party Olena threw we announce that I was pregnant If I said everyone was happy I would be lying, they were ecstatic. My mother ran to me engulfing me in a huge hug and cried her eyes out. Olena went around and told the whole town. And my father glared at Dimitri, later stating that he could not believe Dimitri had slept with me before marriage.

Lissa and Christian have since had three, yes three kids. Though two of them were twins. All three were Dimitri and I's godchildren. They all had Christians dark locks and Lissa's jade green eyes. All three were little girls, Christian was going to have to invest in a gun, because all three girls were absolutely gorgeous. The four of us along with the kids had grown extremely close. We had weekly get together's, and always were together for the holidays, we were each others extended family. Decisions were made together, and we would pawn off the children on each other in order to have couples nights. I was happy to have them in our lives, especially Christian after all he had to choose us over his own aunt. Though last time I checked she was not doing well at all.

And this brings us to my bundle of joy. Though he is not that small anymore, he is still my little boy. Little Dimitri Sergei Belikov Jr was born at a small 6 pounds 6 ounce, but still was 21 inches long. He was born a month early, but gladly with no complications. He had his fathers eyes, nose, and height, with my hair lips and attitude. I had wished he would be more calm like his father but I suppose we would have better luck next time. He stole both of our hearts, he was the most beautiful little thing I had ever seen. I had been so worried I was too young, too messed up to take care of a child, until the moment I held him. After seeing and holding him that first time all my fears melted away. I knew that exact moment I had been born to have that child. To give him everything I had and more. Dimitri had told me he felt that same way too. He was our reason to start clean, to love hard, and live happy.

I wish I could say the last 5 years have been easy though, cause they have not. My poor Dimitri had a lapse 4 months after little Tri was born. The stress from working over 60 hours a week, coming home to a crying baby and a tired wife got to him. I knew something was wrong the moment 7 o'clock rolled around and he had not come home. Dimitri always came home from work at 6:15pm every night. That night though when the time passed, and no call or text came I knew something was wrong. I tried not to imagine anything bad happening, but my mind was set on overdrive. I grabbed little Tri and set him in the car seat. I spent hours driving around, calling the hospital and eventually my father so he could come and help. It turns out I should have called the police station. At around 10 pm my father called me telling me to go home because he had found him and would be bringing him home soon. I set Tri to sleep and paced the living room impatiently.

As the door opened and my father walked in with a stumbling Dimitri my heart broke. He had been so strong for so long, and I felt like I was to blame. As his head lifted and his eyes met mine he started to sob. Abe placed him on the couch and with me tried to comfort him. It was damn near impossible. I knew he was disappointed in himself and in a way I was disappointed in him too, but that was not going to help the current situation. He let everything out, how stressed he was, how he could not handle the baby, how he felt like a horrible husband and thought I deserved better. Abe was just as shocked as I was, but I knew being new parents was not going to be easy on us. I myself had wanted to get away from it all and drink, the only thing stopping me was that my baby was always with me. Dimitri had a moment of weakness because he spent too much time alone, too much time thinking. And when he got home the stress would not let off.

After a lot of yelling and arguments Dimitri agreed to see a consular. He needed someone to talk to that was not me. Time to let all the stress out, but not negatively. To this day Dimitri apologizes for his weakness, but I do not see it that way. Yes, he had lapsed but the life we had gotten into was not easy. The addiction sometimes took over, and the person you had become could easily be dragged under. Ever since that one time Dimitri spent a lot of time trying to prove he was worthy of me, of me and little Tri. Though I constantly told him he was, he would not go that easy on himself. But now after all this time we have both gotten better. We both go talk to someone. We both talk to each other constantly about what is on our minds. And we also have one more reason to stay clean.

"Mama look!" Little Tri was currently running around the park, trying to show off his amazing climbing skills.

"Be careful sweetie mama won't be able to run and save you right now." In true Rose fashion he rolled his eyes and continued his climb up the jungle gym.

"I hope she's a lot more like me." Dimitri sat next to me smiling all while putting his hand on my now 7 month swelled stomach.

Yes, Dimitri and I were having a second child. A little girl, whom we had names Rozabell. I told Dimitri that naming her after me was ridiculous but he said it was only fair since little Tri had his name. Secretly I knew it was because he loved saying the name Roza. But unlike Tri, Roza was not a surprise to us. We had actually planned to have her. It took us two years of trying but in 3 months time we would have another little angel. Dimitri had cried when Tri was born. I had never seen him so happy as he was when he first held our little creation. I must admit I cried too. But seeing him so emotional, was amazing. He had been there for me, no matter what time or what craving I had. This time around had been no different.

And let me tell you little Roza was far more demanding than little Dimitri. I threw up up until two weeks prior. She wanted ice cream on a daily basis, or well should I say nightly. Poor Dimitri would have to wake up at 2 am to go find me some, and let me tell you she was rather specific in the kind she would want. I mean seriously, Chocolate ice cream, pecans, caramel, and marshmallows in ice cream, was that too much to ask for? Dimitri would buy all the ingredients and mix them to perfection for me nightly. He talked to my stomach, sang to it. And when he read Tri his nighttime story, he made sure I was near by so little Roza could hear it too.

"Rose is that you?" A familiar voice brought me out of my musings. And Dimitri stiffened next to me. I had not heard that high pitched soprano voice in nearly 6 years. But I would recognize it anywhere. Mia. I turned in the direction of the voice and my suspicion was confirmed.

"Mia!" Dimitri helped me stand up and I could not help but hug her. Things had not ended well between our friendship, but I was still happy to see her. And she looked a lot better than I had imagined.

"I thought I heard you were having another one." She playfully rubbed my belly, and I could not help but smile.

"Yea I still think he used complusion on me. After the first one I swore I would never do it again." At first her smile was truly happy for me, but I could not help but tell something was wrong. "You ok?"

"Yea Rose I'm a lot better." She looked around and eyed the people around warily. "Do you mind if I steal your wife for I don't know an hour. I swear I'll bring her back just how I got her." Mia looked at Dimitri, blue eyes practically pleading. Dimitri looked at me to confirm and I nodded. I had heard a lot about Mia, but had never seen her. From what I had heard she had disappeared off the face of the planet, after an accident.

"You girls be safe." Dimitri planted a kiss on my forehead and walked over to Tri. Pulling him up in his arms, all while he screamed to be put down.

"Wow they look so much alike." Mia, smiled at them, but I thought I saw a bit of jealousy in her eyes. "Come on how about we go get something warm to drink.

And just like that Mia was happy and bubbly again. She linked her arm with mine, and led me to a small cafe around the corner. I noticed how she made an extra effort to touch my belly as much as possible. Asking me all kinds of questions about the baby and my pregnancy. She even asked how it felt to have the baby in there. There was longing in her voice, and from it I knew something was wrong. But I knew better than to start prying. She had wanted me to go with her, because she wanted to talk. Whatever she wanted to say would soon come out. I did not need to push her, I knew coming from our background it was not easy to do what she was doing. After the addiction I found it hard to face people from my past. Whether it was because I feared what they would say or do, or because I was afraid I would join them in their next adventure, I did not know.

"Would you like anything?" Mia looked back after ordering a huge coffee, a huge smile on her face.

"A hot chocolate would be amazing." I rubbed my belly and Roza agreed with me kicking around.

"Is she moving?" Mia's eyes sparkled. And her hand hesitantly reached for the belly. I pulled it closer and when Roza kicked again, Mia's eyes widened and I swear I saw them glaze over with unshed tears. "Wow that's amazing Rose." She smiled again, but this time I saw that glint of jealousy, but with it came something else something I could not pinpoint.

We sat at a table, and the chatter we were sharing before died off. Mia looked around nervously. I now noticed a twitch she had, every few minutes or so her head would slightly nod to the side, and her leg was constantly shaking. I was worried she was having withdrawal symptoms, but she seemed not to notice it. That and something in her eyes told me she was clean. She was focused and I could just tell she was all here with me. I knew she needed time, but her nervousness had me getting nervous myself. I kept coming up with horrible scenarios, and I just wanted her to tell me what was on her mind. I had no idea where she had been all this time. I heard a year after I had Tri that she had an accident, but when I tried to look into it, she had disappeared. It was like she had never been here.

"I was pregnant." Her abrupt statement caught me off guard. "Before I got up and disappeared I was pregnant. I was scared and confused, but it was like suddenly I knew what I had to do." She took a small sip from her coffee, and I could tell she was avoiding eye contact. "I told Eddie and he flipped. I mean it was my own fault, he was trashed and high, I don't know what I was expecting." She sighed deeply and her blue eyes met mine. "He attacked me, I tried to get away, but he was so fast. Maybe it was what he was on, I don't know. But next thing I knew he was standing over me with a bloody knife." Her eyes closed and she swallowed deeply. I was in shock hearing this. No one had ever told me this. "He stabbed me in the stomach. I don't remember much. But when I woke up, there was no baby, no Eddie, and no chance of ever getting pregnant again."

"Oh Mia I am so sorry." I moved closer and put an arm around her. She sighed again, this time reaching out and touching my belly, but this time it was like she was lost in her own thoughts.

"It's ok. It happened because I never planned to stop. I wanted that life. I needed it. I don't even know why I told him. I was planning on aborting, as horrible as it sounds, I was just convinced he needed to know." She looked up at me pulling away. "I don't blame him you know. He was just as bad off as I was. I tried to get him out of jail, but even without my charges they had him. There were witnesses, and the doctors. I still love him. He just needed help, help like I was able to get, and he couldn't get." The tears that stayed in earlier were now streaming down her cheeks. "He gets out next year, something about good behavior. I visit him regularly. Everyone says I'm crazy, but I love him, and he really loves me. But I can't give him a family Rose. I'm a horrible person, this was not his fault but my own."

"Mia don't say that. You both were in a bad place. I know what it's like I was there." I really could relate. And as much as all this information shocked and scared me, I understood. The place we were at was not pretty. Bad things had happened around us all the time. Look at what happened to Mason. "But now look at you. You're better off. Yes, it is horrible that had to happen, but Mia, learn from it, but go on with life. You only get one life. Love who you love. Just be happy, healthy and safe."

"Thank you Rose." I looked at her confused, I did not feel I had done anything. It was all the truth. "You may not see it but you're the only one who has ever said that to me. They think I'm crazy for still loving him. For still seeing him. But... But we both did a lot of wrong. We have both changed."

Mia and I spent the next two hours talking. Promising to now stay in touch. I even told her I would write Eddie a letter letting him know how I was doing. I called Dimitri to let him know to pick me up, and as I waited all I could do was think. I never thought I would ever see Mia again. I had wished I would, she had been a good friend, crazy, but good. She was always happy and bubbly, and even back then I had wished she stayed away from it all. But now I knew she was better. It was sad to think what she must have gone through, losing a child like that, and then being told you would never have one again. That could have easily been me. I sure was heading in that direction. Dimitri pulled up to the curb and I got in the car. He asked no questions, he knew eventually I would tell him. We always told each other everything. After everything we had been through, it was a promise we made, and the last years had been better because of it.

After getting home, eating and putting our son to bed. I told Dimitri everything, he held me while I cried, sad at what had happened to Mia. It was so easy to tell Dimitri all of this, he understood. I think Dimitri having gone through a similar situation as me is what made us work so well. We never judged and instead tried to understand each other, we wanted our relationship to work. And we both knew we needed each other. It was truly like he was my other half and without him I would be incomplete. Nothing was easy in this life, but loving him came naturally. Even in the beginning, him coming into my life, had been easy, comfortable. Nothing was ever forced with us. That night I fell asleep, happy content. But I could not help the feeling that something bad was coming, that everything once again was going to change.

"Rose. Roza. You need to wake up." My eyes shot opened and I looked around for any danger. I saw none and even saw it was still dark out. Looking at the clock I noticed it was 3 in the morning. Why would Dimitri wake me up at this time? After further studying him I noticed he was dressed, strain on his face.

"What's wrong? Is Tri ok?" Panic flooded me. I had no idea what was wrong but it could not be good with Dimitri looking like he did.

"Tri is fine baby. Look, Lissa and Christian are downstairs. They came over because Lissa was hysterical. Roza hunny, I need to tell you something." He slowly sat down next to me, and I could feel myself freezing. It was like I could almost tell what he was going to tell me. I could also tell he did not want to tell me. I was after all his 7 month pregnant wife. He did not want to disturb me or the baby.

"Just tell me. I'll be fine." I tried to prepare myself. Tried to tell myself to keep it together but when the next words came out of his mouth, I could not help the agonizing whimper that felt my lips.

"Lissa got a call from her aunt. It's Adrian. Rose they found his body in his room. He overdosed." He stopped trying to calm me but I knew what was coming next.

Adrian had been clean for a year. A hard year at that. He had overdosed and that had been his wake up call. He promised he was going to change. He knew if he did not he would die. It had been a hard and painful struggle for him. He had gotten addicted to heroine, the worst of the worst. The addiction was killing him, in all sense of the word. He became an empty shell, all that mattered to him was his next fix. When he had overdosed the first Christian and Dimitri had been the ones to find him. Lissa's aunt had called her saying Adrian had disappeared days before, and no matter how high or drunk he had always came home. When they found him he was nearly dead. Lissa and I had cried and cried and spent the following days telling him he needed help. He finally agreed and took off to rehab. He was there for months. When he came back he looked like the old Adrian again. He had gained weight, gotten a tan. He would joke around, play with the kids. But a week ago he started getting distant again. We all asked to make sure he was ok, but he claimed work was getting harder.

"Dimitri please." I barely was able to get the words out. I needed him to tell me, this was not something he could shield me from.

"Roza hunny. Adrian." He swallowed hard again. Adrian and him had hated each other. But in the last year I had seen them grow close. We made fun of Christian, Adrian and him, calling them the three musketeers. They hung out all the time, watched sports games, grilled. "Adrian didn't make it."

With those words my world shattered. How could this be happening now? After everything we had been through it was all suppose to be getting better. I know we had all messed up before, but he was trying. He wanted to be a better person. God, just last week he was rubbing my belly telling me he could not wait until he had one of his own. The kids loved him. I loved him. Adrian was like a brother to me. Christian and him were the brothers I never had. How could someone so full of life just die like that. And what made it worse is that none of us noticed the real change. What kind of friend was I? I had only asked once if he was ok. Him answering yes was enough of an answer for me. If I had just insisted would he be alive now?

"Roza, sweet heart. Please you need to calm down." Dimitri pulled me closer and it was then I noticed I was shivering, my sobs uncontrolled, my face wet with tears. If I was this bad Lissa must be worse, Adrian was her cousin, someone she knew since birth. She loved Adrian and cared for him deeply. As if he knew what I was thinking Dimitri pulled away. "I'll get Christian to bring her up here. I know you both need each other." With that he left and seconds later Lissa was next to me and we clung to each other like we needed each other to stay alive.

We spent the rest of the night in silence. The only thing heard in my house was our sobs and tears. Christian and Dimitri would check in on us regularly, giving us water or food as needed, though neither of us could eat. By noon Christian was able to drag Lissa out of my bed and bring her home. Adrian's funeral was already planned for the following day. Adrian's mother wanted to put her son to rest as soon as possible in hopes that her soon would find peace faster that way. After Lissa left I was finally able to come to terms with his death. I hated being able to do so, but I knew it was for the best. Adrian was in a better place, and nothing was going to bring him back, he would live forever in my memories and those of his friends and family. I would remember him for the man he was and not his mistakes. I spent the day with Dimitri and Tri, needing to have them around me, needing to know that I still had the two, soon to be three, people that mattered the most to me. My little family meant everything to me, and I could be thankful we were alive and well.

The wake and funeral went by in a blur. I was merely there physically. I knew I had to stay calm, the baby inside me needed me to be strong, her life depended on me keeping her safe. Adrian had also told me this baby was special to him, mostly because he had not been around for Tri, he wanted to be around for her. She would know who her uncle was, I would make sure of that. He may not be here in body anymore, but he would forever be here with me, with us, in spirit. After the funeral his mother decided to have a celebration of his life instead of a sad reunion, she wanted people to eat and talk and celebrate the life that was Adrian. I could not agree with her more. The living room was filled with pictures of him smiling and laughing. Some even were of him and his friends. There was one of him and I that nearly broke me. We were so young maybe 12 at the time. I was on his shoulders while he tried to move around. We both had huge smiles, we had been so happy. So young and carefree. If we only knew then what we knew now.

Months passed and we all tried to go on with our lives. Somedays it was easier than others. Somedays I would find myself crying for no reason, and then others I would smile and laugh without reason as well. As the saying goes life goes on. On June 23rd, Adrian's birthday little Roza made her appearance. I was alone at home with Tri who had just come home from his last day of kindergarten. And let me tell you that little boy kicked into adult mode in a matter of seconds. It was then that I was aware how much like his father he really was.

"Okay mommy. I called daddy. He's coming. He said lay down, stay calm." Little Tri guided me to the couch as another contraction hit. "Mommy breath." I couldn't help but laugh at his serious face.

"I'm breathing hunny, trust me... Ow ow ow." As I started panting Tri's eyes widened and he started to run around.

"She's coming! Oh my! My sister is coming." Dimitri took that moment to walk in the door. I was sure we made quite a sight. Me on the couch panting, clinching my stomach, while Tri ran around yelling.

Eight hours and 45 minutes later Roza Addie Belikov came into the world. Weighing 4 pounds 11 ounces, and only being 16 inches long. I could tell already my poor baby would not get her father's height. She had his hair, his nose, and those Belikov eyes to match. Her scream was all mine, as were her little bow lips. She was perfect, we decided to give her a middle name to match the birthday of her uncle. It only seemed right that our angel would pick such a day to come into this world. I think maybe Adrian somewhere had done it on purpose so we would never forget him, not that it was needed, he would always be in my heart.

Looking down at my angel then back up at my boys, I could not imagine life being anymore perfect than this. I had everything anyone could ever ask for. A family. Happiness. A wonderful life. And it all started that one day when my guardian angel sent Dimitri Belikov to save me. When I was once lost, confused, and messed up. I now was happy, loved, and cared for. I had many things I never thought I would ever have and everyday was a true blessing.

"I love you." Kissing my forehead and then our childrens he sat down next to me pulling Tri on his lap.

"As I love you." Love, its what started all this. Love one feeling, one emotion, that in the end forever saved me.

_**So what do you think? I know the last chapter is sad but I could not help it... The life they all lived was dangerous. Review? Please... I'll be posting another story soon so let me know how much you want it!**_


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